When I Feel Like Writing, I Write 0.o



Isusulat Ko, Babasahin Mo. Ayos Lang? ^_________________^

Friday, March 13, 2009

if i wasn't loved

if i wasn't loved,

if i wasn't loved very deeply,

if i wasn't loved so true,

maybe i could settle for something less.


but i was loved so deeply.

i am loved so truly.

i have been loved unconditionally.

and so for this, i cannot settle for anything less.


if you cannot be your best,

if you cannot be what i deserve,

if you wouldn't even try,

and if i choose you in spite of this,

then i will be taking all the air

from those who gave it to me.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

nakakawalang feelings

Siya: Ate, wala na nga pala kami ng dear ko.

Ako: Huwaaat? Bakit?

Siya: Eh, wala na akong feeling sa kania.

Ako: Ah, nakakalungkot naman yan, mawalan ng feelings. Eh di umiyak na naman?

Siya: Oo, umiyak. Eh, pero ayos lang, kase meron naman siyang kausap na girl na pag wala na daw kami eh liligawan nia! Yoko na talaga sa kania!


Tsk. tsk.. Lulupet nio guys. Not nice, huh.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

love is probably not the drowning feeling i get when i look at you

or time stopping when you look back

or your presence filling me with light

but nothing

goes beyond this

i know

nothing

goes beyond

what i have for you

Sunday, December 14, 2008

dls

imagine the little boy you grew up with

when you bargained toys with him and asked him to play with you and your dolls

when he asked if you would like to ride his small bicycle when you were walking from school

when you tried to fly his kite with him and walked the whole village

when you asked him to come with you because you didn't have company and you had to pay him

when you stayed up til the wee hours because you were busy telling each other how your lives would be after 20 to 30 years

when problems arose, and he looked at you, and when he saw you were okay, he sighed and knew he'd be okay too

when you saw his face during your highs and knew how proud he was of you

when he read the books you read because he knew he could see himself in you and could have his highs too


imagine that little boy growing up, finding himself lost, and then finally hurting himself.

and you begin asking yourself what you failed to do, what you can still do, or what you shouldn't do so he can finally find himself again.

i know not everyone would see the little boy that has become this grown-up. but he is most special to me. and if you can only see him with my heart, i know you would love him, too. i know you would help him find himself again.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

awww. why you so cute?


aquarium daw next... weee.. tos thumbelina naman. haha.. cute ng cactus. :)

Monday, November 24, 2008

tears dry on their own

i like this song a lot. sad though. haha.. i love sad songs. i love to laugh too. tsk. weirder things at hand.

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we know,
And this regret I got accustomed to,
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night,
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached,
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey, in this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand,
Why do I stress the man,
When there's so many bigger things at hand,
We could a never had it all,
We had to hit a wall,
So this is inevitable withdrawal,
Even if I stop wanting you,
A Perspective pushes true,
I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

How can I play myself again,
I should just be my own best friend,
Not fuck myself in the head with superman,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue shade,
My tears dry on their own,

So we are history,
YOUR shadow covers me
The sky above,
A blaze only that lovers see

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue shade
My tears dry on their own,

I wish I could SAY no regrets,
And no emotional debts,
Cause as we kiss goodbye the sun sets,
So we are history,
Your shadow covers me,
The sky above a blaze that only lovers see,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
In this blue Shade,
My tears dry on their own,

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
My deep shade,
My tears dry on their own

He walks away,
The sun goes down,
He takes the day but I'm grown,
And in your grey,
My deep shade,
My tears dry.
Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Monday, November 17, 2008

i probably didn't

did i tell you i love you?
and that even if i tried, i couldn't change what i have for you
and that you make the world most wonderful
and it's just dull without you.

did i tell you i care?
and that i would give you all my courage so you wouldn't be scared, all the happiness i feel so you wouldn't be lonely again
and that it often hurts because i can't.

did i tell you i miss you?
and that i often try not to
but i can't stop waiting, thinking of when i can be with you again
and that i know i'm not so smart after all.

did i tell you i was scared
because i love you so much i find logic illogical?
that you make me see another side that i have not seen before and which i still couldn't see without you.

i probably didn't.
but i really wish i did.
and i wish i still could.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Monday, November 03, 2008

1st bday gift


I didn't get the shirt or Angela. I got this one instead. I super luuuuuurve my cuz Pet, hahahahaha... Thanks cuz! :*

Monday, October 27, 2008

madam cessai

V: cessai, nanaginip ako.. may..... blah blah blah blah blah.......... madam, ano ibig nun sabihin?

Tsk. Tsk... It's official. I am totally rearranging my habits, hahaha.. Bakit? Kase, una, hindi sila aligned sa personal mission ko. I've just discovered that I've been spending too much time doing activities in quad 4. Wala naman akong balak magtayo ng kubol at manghula sa Quiapo, pero andami dami kong nalalaman. Hahaha...

Eto lang ang panaginip, kung trip mo mag analyze:

First step, ilista pababa lahat ng naalala mo sa panaginip (halimbawa (naks): tsinelas, kalsada eklavers , pwede ring feelings kagaya ng takot)

Sunod, sa tabi ng mga pangalan, isulat mo ang unang mga pumasok sa isip mo pag nakita mo yung salitang nilista mo. Halimbawa:
tsinelas- blah blah blah
kalsada- blah blah blah
takot- blah blah blah

Tapos basahin mo lahat ng sinulat mo. Kung mahusay kang tao, you'll figure it out. The thing is, nde naman premonition ang panaginip. Usually, it's your subconscious being conscious for a while. It''s good to analyze dreams this way, at least you become aware of yourself more, akalain mo nga namang pati subconscious mo eh ico-conscious mo, asteeeg ka nun. ;)

P.S.
Mas effective kung gagawin mo agad after ng panaginip, para fresh. Baka naman 10 years ago na panaginip pa, iba na ang tingin mo sa bagay bagay. Kunyari 'pag sinabing tsinelas, ang naisip mo eh aalis. After 10 years, uuwi na ang tsinelas para saio.
Kung di mo gets, wag kang mag alala, di ka nag iisa. Hahaha...

the killer

####: cess kayo paba ni ?

sesa: malay ko
sesa: hahahaha
sesa: i hardly hear from him

####: so are you free to date someone?

sesa: ******** ******** ************* ************.
sesa: im free to do anything i want. anyway, im not interested in anything romantic as of the moment
sesa: potek, pag palpak to, super disappointed na ako sa kalablaypan sa mundo

####: ay taga cebu ka nga pala

sesa: baket

####: eh LDR!
####: kung nagkataon

sesa: what ldr

####: long distance relationship

sesa: ah
sesa: baket may nakatitigan ka na naman

####: wat?

sesa: sino na naman yan

####: wala promise.
####: he just broke up with his girlfriend last july 2008.

sesa: at pano mo nakilala

####: sobrang effect sa kanya. muntik ng magcommit ng suicide

sesa: yuck

####: dito nga sa #### (hospital) ko cya nakilala.

sesa: please dont introduce me to those people
sesa: baket, nahospital?

####: hindi nman. basta muntik lng.

sesa: saka nde bagay saken weak personality maciado
sesa: baka ako pumatay dian

####: hahahah

sesa: pramis
sesa: kilala mo naman ako d ba

####: ok para mas maintindihan mo how weve met. ill show u the letter he wrote for me. hindi ko sinasadya tlga cess.

sesa: ok
sesa: asan na

####: dito sken. tinago ko.

sesa: nasa papel?
sesa: grabe naman
sesa: may gusto saio?

####: yup
####: dba cnabi ko sayo na ive observed causes of homosexuality?

sesa: ganon cia?
sesa: sabi mo ikekwento mo saken pag uwi ko, eh pano mo ikekwento saken, kasama naten c ....

####: nope lalake cya.
####: one factor kasi yung extreme hatred or pain na naranasan ng isang lalake matapos makipag break sa kanila yung girlfriend na sobrang minahal nila. third encounter ko na with that kind of story

sesa: i mean, na abuse ba sya nung bata pa cia
sesa: no way

####: everytime i meet someone. i always asked them bat ganito cla?
####: its a matter of research for me. kasi most homo are just being victims of the harsh society.

sesa: why would it affect them that way
sesa: i mean madaming nadudump, and not all of them turn gay
sesa: so malamang may iba pa

####: nawawalan na cla ng tiwala sa mga girls dahil sa sobrang sakit nga ng ginawa sa kanila. getz?
####: then they fall for the same sex...
####: na they have this idea na baka mas ok magmahal ang isang guy. get my point! cess this is all psychology believe me.

sesa: grabe naman
sesa: ako din wala nang tiwala sa opposite sex pero d naman ako natitibo

####: pero hindi ka nasaktan ng katulad ng narmdaman nilang sakit, getz mo?

sesa: i think may iba pang factors, don't blame it all on that failed relationship
sesa: grabe naman, d ako naniniwala sa isang factor lang

####: what i am talking about cess is the main factor that causes it. yes there are other factors that may arise.

sesa: i dont think main factor yung brekup
sesa: could be a factor, pero d main
sesa: ano bang ginawa sa kania, amp

####: factors that would trigger the other side of him
####: basta sobrang mahal nya yung girl and then they break up. tpos nun di na nya alam gagawin nya.
####: devastated

sesa: pinagpalit ba siya sa iba
sesa: malamang prone na rin cia to homosexuality talaga

####: cess ibat'ibang klase yung tao. ive observed these things. they are victims. nawalan cla ng gana magmahal ng opposite sex dahil sa trauma ng breakup. chance is to fall for the same sex.
####: how can u say that? ur not gay!

sesa: thanks

####: u havent live a life of it!

sesa: fine fine
sesa: eh di ikaw na nga ang expert
sesa: i don't know anything
sesa: is that better?

####: naawa lng kasi me. i want to help him. baka kasi magtuloytuloy cya.

sesa: anong gusto mong gawin
sesa: ako ipain
sesa: titingnan kung magwowork

####: y not?

sesa: no way i'm gonna be a pa in
sesa: may sarili naman akong mundo and i die when somebody depends on me, especially emotionally

####: ok. fine. just trying. u know knowing my life. maybe you can consider him.

sesa: baka mas mabading saken yan
sesa: waaaaaaaaaa
sesa: you are so bad
sesa: lagi mo kong pinapaguilty
sesa: you know i'd do things for you kase you're my friend, and i want good things for you
sesa: pero pag ako naman nadestroy, mawawalan ka rin ng friend

####: hindi ganun cess. ok lng kung ayaw just wanna share my thoughts with you with these kind of people.

sesa: how about you
sesa: are you okay now? nde ka na babalik sa ganon? tingin mo? are you 'healed'?

####: bout me what?
####: im not completely healed honestly.

sesa: see
sesa: so you cannot tell me na i should consider kase baka i can help
sesa: baka i wont help at all
sesa: baka d ganon yung gamot

####: look like what ive told you UR NOT GAY!

sesa: ha?

####: u dont really feel what we feel especially trying to change

sesa: do you really wanna change?
sesa: eh nde ko naman talga alam
sesa: gusto mo lang ba magbago kase mas madali para sa society?
sesa: o kung ok sa society ok ka na sa preference mo?

####: i do. tsk tsk. cess you know my dreams! to have my own family.

sesa: :(
sesa: eh d isama mo na lang cia sa fri

####: I AM A VICTIM! DI KO GINUSTO TO CESS!

sesa: oo nga
sesa: d ko naman sinabing gusto mo eh
sesa: wala naman akong sinabing ganon
sesa: ang akin lang, d ko nga alam pano ibabalik sa dapat, sa gusto mo talaga

####: i dont need the approval of the society! We are victims in the first place by members of this society! Get me?!

sesa: shux, ngayon kasalanan naman ng babaeng umayaw sa relasyon

####: thats one factor nga !

sesa: alam mo we have to take responsibility for our life. malungkot ang buhay ng puro sisi na lang ginawa sa ibang tao. how about believing that you always have, had a choice, na this is your life because you choose it

####: do i have a choice when i was a kid?! When all i know that time everyhtings a bunch of games or plays!
####: now tell me?!

sesa: nde yun eh
sesa: you have a choice on how to react
sesa: you have a choice on how that experience will be a factor in your life
sesa: lahat binibigyan ng problema, nagkakaiba lang ng reaction, pano mo itetake yung problema
sesa: kaia nga hindi laht ng bumagsak sa exam eh nagpakamatay
sesa: kaia nga hindi lahat ng naghiwalay ang magulang eh nag asawa ng maaga o napariwara

####: to react anong alam ko nung 7 yrs old ako?

sesa: 7 years old ka pa rin ba?
sesa: nangyari na nga eh
sesa: ang ibig kong sbihin, may mga mangyayari na hindi ikaw ang may gawa, ang control mo lang eh pano ka magrereact dun
sesa: kahit yung naramdaman mo di mo controlled yun, pero feelings at emotions lumilipas. ang tatagal, ano reaction mo, anong ginawa mo
sesa: baket nung naghiwalay ba magulang ko, anong alam ko ba nung 5yo ako?
sesa: you can always be greater than your impulses
sesa: you are more than what you feel
sesa: saka d porke ganon ka dati, ganon ka pa rin hanggang ngayon
sesa: ano naman kung ganon yung dati, bat kelangan ba ganon ka forever



sesa: ********** ******** ************
sesa: ********** ********** ********
sesa: ************** ********* **********

####: O DI IKAW NA ANG TAMA!
####: KAMI NA ANG MALI!

sesa: eh ako naman lagi d ba

####: HEHEHEHE

sesa: don't sweat it

####: UU NGA DI KA NGA NAGPATALO SA ARGUMENT NTEN EH.

sesa: eh may masasabi pa eh
sesa: gusto ko naman may sinasabi

####: BASTA ALAM KO HINDI MO NAIINTINDIHAN KASI UVE NEVER BEEN THERE!

sesa: hayz
sesa: basta alam ko you choose.
sesa: christian ka d ba
sesa: free will tawag dun

####: cge try mong iassess sarili mo kung ano ka ngyon after knowing ur parents separation?! ok ka ba? sa tingin ka ba ok ka?

sesa: i think i'm okay

####: u just think

sesa: dr phil?
sesa: si dr phil lagi na lang sinasabi sa mga tao may problem sila, ciempre psych cia, kelangan ng pasyente
sesa: hahaha
sesa: lahat naman ng tao may isyu
sesa: pinagkaiba lang, how are you with it
sesa: like, i am happy with myself

####: ok lets be happy!
####: suko na ko!

sesa: i'm fine with how i am
sesa: hahaha

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Cuz Pet: That's pride, cuz. (then she goes on to say so many other things that I couldn't really understand)

Ako: What pride? Hano? You speaking French? You always lose me, bilis xe magreply.

CP: Pride, ayaw mo kaseng i-check kung totoo.

Ako: TRUST ang tawag don! Hahaha... Madi-disappoint ako pag nde. Pero naniniwala naman ako na totoo, FAITH tawag dun. Io-orientate kita minsan sa mga virtues and values.

CP: Haha, gagi.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Chicher, Your Hair is Falling Down!

falling down
falling down
falling
d
o
w
n
.
.
.
i
had
a
dream
that
i
was
happiest
with
the
saddest
man
i
had
ever
known
.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Say It

Cuz Pet: Tangeks ko talaga, 'di ko naalala birthday ni T. ????, kumare ko pa naman yun. Tinext ko pa nung umaga.
Ako: Grabe ka naman cuz... Baka kalimutan mo rin birthday ko. :(
CP: Siguro naman hindi ko makakalimutan yun.
Ako: 'Di talaga kase ia-announce kong birthday ko. And guess what you're gonna get me for my bday? Shirt na may print sa harap na BIRTHDAY GIRL tos malaking number 25 sa likod. :)
CP: Haha... Para saan yung 25 sa likod?
Ako: 25 na kaya ako, grabe ka naman cuz.
CP: Haha... Di ko naisip, kala ko.... Wala naman nabibilhan non, gusto mo talaga yun? San ba meron?
Ako: Weee... Ayan, malilimutan ko na rin ang senti mode ko kase may ilu-look forward na akong exciting. Di ba may mga nagpepersonalize ng shirt.
CP: Wala na sa Rob na ganon eh.
Ako: O sige, pag d kaya ng powers mo yun eh 'di ipamana mo na lang sa'ken yung antigo mong Angela's Ashes.
CP: Sige hahanap ako, pag wala talaga, sa'yo na si Angela.
Ako: Yey... Either way, naeexcite pa rin ako, haha...
See, you have to make your happiness, sometimes you have to ask for it. Say it. Haha... ("Sasabihin lang naman, 'di pa sinabi, yan yan yan"- Cessai to Cessai)
CP: Cuz, nagburn akong cd mga emote. Panalo talaga I Need To Be In Love mo.
Ako: Oo, unang notes pa lang niyan napapa-SIGH na ako. Bwahahaha...
CP: Kelangan kong makatapos kahit isang test, di ako makakagawa bukas kase celebrate Tita Len ng birthday.
Ako: Aw, wala na naman ako. I'm missing so many things. Wahahaha... ume-emote.
CP: Oo nga cuz. Last week ko pa sana tell sa'yo yun eh, you're missing a lot of happenings na here.
Eh 'di ako na nga ang kawawa. Hahaha... Kawawa si Cessai, kawawa si Cessai. Haha... Pwede namang bumawe, pwede namang bumawe.
I just realized that I didn't really have to look for sad songs last time my Cuz Pet was depressed. Kase pala, 'pag depressed at malungkot, lahat pala ng songs malungkot. Wahahahaha... Kahit happy songs, nakakalungkot. Well, anyway. Everything comes to pass.
Maen: Anong ****** ****** ******* *********?
Ako: At bakit ka invisible? Alam mo namang sensitive ako pag ini-invisible-an. Hahahaha...
Maen: Ay, online ka pala, hahahahaha... Kaka-online ko lang, teka... *Maen is now online

Demanding. Hahaha... Prinsesita. Pag may nag-ASUS sa Prinsesa, not worth the time. BEHHHH!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Eh Kase

"Fishballs ba yun?"

"Oo. Ikaw talaga kung anu-anong kinakain mo."



Pero hindi siya fishballs. Shrimp ek ek cia. Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang walang fishballs na totoo dito. Kung anu-ano daw kinakain ko. Hindi ko rin alam ba't yung mga gusto kong kainin eh yung mga hindi ko dapat kainin. Sasabihin na naman ng nanay ko, "Ay, Prinsesita..." Prinsesitang pasaway.

Pumunta kaming downtown kahapon. Siyempre pa, di makukumpleto ang downtown nang walang goons. Naglalakad kami, adventure daw, walang paroroonan. Biglang umambon (pwede bang dahan-dahang umambon?), eto namang sina Kuya Goons, bigla ring sumulpot (o kami yung biglang sumulpot kase mukha namang tinubuan na sila ng ugat sa tambayan nila), sabay sabing, "Ate, payong." Siyempre pa, akala ko nagtitinda silang payong, kaya umiling lang ako. Mabilis talaga akong maglakad, pero nung dumami na sa mga sinasabi nila ang hindi ko maintindihan, naglakad na ako ng mas mabilis pa sa mabilis kong paglalakad. Sabi ni Kaye, tinatanong daw kung ate niya ako. Ampotek, anlayo layo pa nung hiway, at bakit kaya may mga establishments naman eh walang guard. Mga kuya guard, nasaan kayo pag kelangan kayo? Tapos may isang sumunod sa'min na sabi nang sabi ng hindi ko naman naiintindihan na. Bigla ko tuloy naisip na sana may balisong ako, para pwede ko siyang harapin, tutukan ng blade sa mukha at tanungin ng "HINDI KA TITIGIL?" Nakakagigil, nakakainis. Yan si Miss World Peace, gusto niya ng balisong kapag may goons na abnormal na kulang sa pansin na siguro eh naabuso nung bata pa siya dahil ab ab ang mga pangyayari sa buhay niya.Hayz. Tumigil siya nung nasa hiway na kami, kase sasakay na talaga ako ng cab kung gusto niya talagang mangulit hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan. Siyempre, si Kaye na kasama ko eh tahimik lang, at nung malayo na kami saka siya nagsalitang "nakakatakot naman yun". Hayz, nakakatakot talaga siya, ansarap din niyang takutin. Sayang, wala akong panakot nun. Next time ko na lang susuklian ang pagsasayang niya ng oras niya sa pananakot.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

I Am This Nice

I have been sending my broken-hearted cousin really, really sad songs (since there's really no convincing her of moving on, sige, pakalunod ka sa kalungkutan, I will help you! BWAHAHAHA... Buhusan ng kalungkutan!).
The latest was Lost Without Your Love, and no, it wasn't my idea. She requested for that one, saying, 'suicidal na ito'. So I sent her another text message, telling her I already sent it to her and if she has another suicidal request. Haha... Here are some of the songs I sent her, including some lines from them (by the way, some are not really sad songs, like Cake's I Will Survive), hahahaha....:

Doors (Why does my heart just keep on beating Why do my arms just keep on reaching To someone who's no longer there)

Movin On (All those times I tried and all those nights I cried Did you ever come to me And try to dry my eyes All those times you strayed When you said you'd stay Those times are gone 'cause now I'm moving on)

Fools Like Me (You must really love her You think I don't know but I do, yeah it's true I think over is over I'm right back where I started when it comes to wanting you I can't have what I wanted)

I Will Survive (And youll see me with somebody new.Im not that stupid little personStill in love with you.And so you thought youd just drop by,And you expect me to be free.But now Im saving all my lovinFor someone whos lovin me.)

Out of Reach (Was I ever loved by you? Out of reach, so farI never had your heartOut of reach,Couldn't seeWe were neverMeant to be)

Broken-hearted Me (time won't heal a broken-hearted meeeeeeeeeee)

I Always Was Your Girl (You seeI always was your girl Always will be You and me against the world)

Viva La Vida (One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand)

That's What You Get (Why do we like to hurt so much? Oh why do we like to hurt so much? That's what you get when you let your heart win)

Drunk Again (If I had a dollar bill for every time Ive been wrong Id be a self-made millionaire and youd still be gone :( )

I Heard Love Is Blind (What do you expect? You left me here alone; I drank so much and needed to touch Don’t overreact – I pretended he was you You wouldn’t want me to be lonely)

Love Is A Losing Game (Why do I wish I never played Oh what a mess we made And now the final frame Love is a losing game )

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (I'd like to know that your love Is love I can be sure of So tell me now, cause I won't ask again Will you still love me tomorrow?)

Best Friends (I don't like the way you say my name You're always looking for someone to blame Now you want me to suffer just cause You was born wide But we are best friends right?)

Valerie ('Cause since I've Come Home, Well My Body's Been A Mess, And I Miss Your ginger Hair, And The Way You Like To Dress.)

Someday We'll Know (If I could ask God just one question Why aren't you here with me?)

Bleeding Love (My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love)

Nothing Compares To You (It's been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling Tell me baby where did I go wrong?)

Akala Mo Lang (Pero di kita mahal, akala mo lang Hindi kita mahal, Hindi mo ba alam.Pagpanggap ng aking pag-ibig, At pangakong walang patid.Iiwan ka ring sawi, At aasa kang magbabalik)

I Need To Be In Love (The hardest thing I've ever done is keep believing There's someone in this crazy world for me The way that people come and go through temporary lives My chance could come and I might never know)

Finish What You Started (Finish what you started You'll come back to me I know it's gonna feel, baby Like it used to be So finish what you started I will wait for you)

Mine Again (Maybe you could be mine again Maybe we could make that dream for real Like way back then When love was yours and mine Maybe we could bring it back to life)

You Really Got A Hold On Me (I don't like you But I love you Seems that I'm always Thinking of you Oh, oh, oh, You treat me badly I love you madly You've really got a hold on me)

At madami pa siyang request, kagaya ng We Used To Be Friends ng Dandy Warhols. At meron pang isang song na narinig daw niya sa McDo pero di niya maalala, kahit lyrics lang. Sabi ko i-hum na lang niya. Gagawin ko ang lahat para sa siomai ng Henlin. Bwahahaha...

Ours

You say you want the real thing
The truth is all you need
You don't care about traditions
Because you say they separate people

I see the picture, you see the canvas
I see figures, you see division

True, I need the canvas to see my picture
But you, too, need the picture to realize your canvas' destiny
It's variety
And it only becomes separation when you fail to see
That you are part of the bigger picture,
That you are not just red,
You are one of the apples
In the tree,
In the orchard.

Lines, colors, textures
They don't break the canvas to pieces
My picture,
Your canvas.

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

stop.
stop beating, stop looking
stop missing, stop longing
he won't be coming
coming back to you
he's found something more important
and it isn't you
it isn't you
so why don't you just stop.
stop breathing, stop wishing
stop thinking, stop loving
stop.
because somebody's gonna find you
and he won't be leaving
like the one you most cherished.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

When I Found A Strand Of White Hair On My Beautiful Head

I
had
this
sinking
feeling.

Saturday, September 06, 2008

nothing to post about

There's nothing to say, except that I'm actually bored and I want 2008 to end already. Why? Kase gusto ko nang mag-New Year. Haha... Wait, birthday ko pa pala. Hahaha... Koyz called me up so early in the morning, I didn't understand a thing he said and had to cut the call. Turned out he was on the way home to Pasig (from Bicol). I might be home this sembreak. Sembreak na 4 days lang, how exciting. -.-

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Nagbonding bonding- Maen

:) tadadan


crazy laughter



BWAHAHAHA



Chismis, Hahahaha



Eto ang totoong NYAHAHAHAHAng tawa

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

To Believe You Until I Forget What Believing Is

Text Msg 1: Cuz, tingnan mo naman to > hi. have a greate day!
(Ako: Baka sinasadya wrong spelling, Cuz. Saka nobody's ferpect, okey nga na sa grammer ang flaw niya, hindi sa ugali.)
Text Msg 2: Cuz, nakakatawa na talaga si tooooooooot. Sabi ko nagne net ako kanina, ang reply, wow naman, nakawebsite ka!
(Ako: Bwahahahahhaha... At least napapasaya ka niya. Nyahahahha... Siguro gwapo yan, lagi silang wrong grammers and sfelling, d ba. Hahaha...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I accidentally broke the mood ring Maen gave me. I don't think I CANNOT NOT BREAK anything. 0.o :{ And then last time, I was just supposed to pour hot water in my cup, but I ended up pouring more of it on my right thigh. Now it has a brown patch of scar (over the old scar. See, I scalded myself a long long time ago and just repeated history, minor this time). So clumsy.

And here's the emo part:

I'm losing it. Perhaps you have been waiting for this, too. There's too much to think about, feel about; it's gonna make me crazy. I have been trying to ignore the clues, because I want to believe that things will happen if you really want them to. Because I want to believe you. Believe you until I forget what believing is. I often feel left alone, often feel alone in this journey to believing. I don't know how long I can still go on. Can't feel you now, and every time you reach for me, all I see is myself. Me, myself, and I. I have probably already lost it.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Fairy Godmothers


Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cinderella.

When I was a lot younger, I sort of memorized the first few lines of this fairytale. Haha... And yesterday, I was one of the fairy godmothers, and it was not so bad. In fact, I think I enjoyed it more than I would have had if I was Cinderella. Magic touches here and there, tadah! And then I knew, I was born to be the fairy godmother, not the princess. Lolx. I am just too ME to be another. Huh? I'm not the princess type, not the type who waits and... Anyway, I did more than Cinderella's FGM did. I even escorted Cinderella to the court. And the problem was that the court was too nice, too romantic, it got FGM Me sad. Haha... I need a lot of Cinderellas to forget my own sad flight. Lolx. Idle time provides too much room for contemplation.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Suddenly I See

And this is the song I've been listening to these past few days, over and over and over. Cheers my stupid broken +_)(*&^%$#@!~.


Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me x2

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on a word

Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
(Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me x2

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower

Suddenly I see

She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see
Yea yea
Suddenly I see x5

Suddenly I see
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see
Why the hell it means so much to mex4

Focus

My loose mouth ruled me again. Yes, AGAIN. Somebody was THINKING of making some crazy moves and I couldn't just SHUT UP and let it be. So I said, "Alam mo, para kang TANGA." O.0 And blah, blah, blah, blah (times ten to the infinite power), I went. At sino naman kaya ako para sabihin kung ano ang tanga at hindi tanga?
So, just to sort of make it up, I bought food. On the way back, I was sitting in the cab, caught in traffic, reading with the lights from the vehicles behind, when suddenly I heard a boy's voice say, "Ma'am, pagkain." I was so engrossed reading, I just shook my head in reply. He continued talking and I decided to reach for my wallet, thinking if I have spare money to give. But then I thought, THAT wouldn't be such a good idea since he might only use it on not so nice things. Then, I remembered telling a friend I want to make sandwiches for the streetkids I see everytime I go out (I once saw two kids sleeping on the sidewalk, sun was up, really UP because it was around 12 noon. When I came back, there were these two crazy looking man and woman putting a big trash drum on the kids. I looked at them and could do something, but didn't do anything.) . And so my eyes turned to the food I bought to restore peace.
He knocked on the window again and said, "Ma'am, GO na." So I grabbed the food beside me, told Kuya driver to wait, and hurriedly rolled down the window and gave it to him. Funny how we always seem to rush and do the right things when we're already running out of time. Or maybe that's just me.
Bearable. Happy. Bright. Kids make me happy. Really. That's why I want them to feel the same way. They make my life bright, bearable, because they give me meaning, reason. And THAT is what I want to give them, too. I seem to lose focus at times. But really, it's PLUMFIELD that makes my heart sing.

Si Langging


Masayahin si Langging.
Ngumingiti siya kahit noong una'y nahihiya pa siya sa akin.
Lagi siyang binibiro ng mga kalaro niya.
Mahilig siyang mag-tumbling sa lupa o kaya'y humiga rito at nagkukunwaring hindi na gumagalaw.
Lagi ko siyang sinasaway 'pag ginagawa niya ito.
Magaan ang loob ko kay Langging.
Siguro'y dahil nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ang pagnanais ng pagtanggap.
Nung kalagitnaan ng eskwela, hindi na pumasok si Langging.
Hindi na siguro makayang makapagbigay ng mga magulang niya ng, kung tutuusin, ay kakarampot na bayad.
Sa paligid ko na lamang nakita si Langging.
Mapupula na at malulungkot ang mga mata niya.
Kung minsa'y gumagawa siya ng mga bagay bagay upang mabigyang pansin siya.
Lagi ko naman siyang tinatawag at binibigyan ng natatanging atensyon.
Sinabi ko sa kaniya na siya ang aking palangga.
Sinubukan kong mapunan ang maaaring hinahanap niya: liwanag, saya, pag-ibig.
Minsa'y sumagi na rin sa isip kong marahil ay inaabuso siya.
Dumidilim ang paligid, papalapit ang ulan.
At sa aking isipa'y aking nawari kung ilan pa kayang Langging sa mundo ang may pangangailangang kagaya niya,
Ang sumisigaw ngunit walang nakaririnig.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Woman of the Desert

Nakakalungkot palang maglakad mag-isang nakikinig sa Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow habang umiihip ang polluted na hangin.

He She

Left Right

Me You

All Some

Alone Accompanied

Again Nevermore

I woke up to the sound of my LOUD cellphone. Thinking it was the alarm, I reached for it blindly and pressed anything I could press. After a few seconds, I opened my eyes to look at it and see what time of day it was. To my surprise, the mobile was asking me to choose between ANSWER and CANCEL. I saw SM Viv on top of the screen (Sun Miriam, my phonebook’s arranged that way. If it was my brother Fred, it would have been SF Koyz (Sun Family)). So I chose ANSWER and heard my friend’s super awake ‘hello’.

Me: O? Bakit?

Siya: Hehe… Naka-connect na. Haha… Tinatry kita tawagan kagabi eh antagal, nakatulog na ako. Tapos tinatry ko tawagan si Js (bf), eh patay yung phone niya, eh naisip ko, ikaw malamang buhay ang phone. (I could just imagine the big grin.)

Me: Potek, anong oras na?

Siya: Uhm, alas-tres. Bwahahaha…

Ako: Pakshet ka. Akala ko 5am na, 5am naka-set alarm ko. Naka-LOUD pa phone ko.

Siya: Haha… May mga kasama ka sa room?

Ako: Meron, eh kaso di ba pag may magte-text/call nang madaling araw, iisipin mo emergency, importante. Pakshet ka talaga.

Siya: Haha… Eh nagising ako eh. Hindi na ko makakatulog ulit neto.

Ako: O, anong kwento?

And we talked until it was past 5am. 0.o Amazingly, I was full of energy this morning, I think I overstretched my thigh muscles. O.0

Excerpts:

Siya: August na. Sunod September na. Syet, -ber na.

Ako: Yey, favorite ko –ber months. :D

Siya: Baket?

Ako: Eh kase, -BERtdey ko na!

Kami: BWAHAHAHA…

Siya: Di nagpaparamdam MV*.

Ako: Baka busy.

Siya: Ano?

Ako: Baka BUSY.

Siya: Ano?!

Ako: Baka ABALA!!

Siya: Ah, busy…

Ako: Ampotek, ngayon ko na lang ulit nagamit ang word na ABALA.

Siya: Di pa pala ako nabibigyan ni js (bf) ng bulaklak.

Ako: Kinukusa yan.

Siya: Ano? (Hindi bingi, no?)

Ako: Kinukusa, hindi hinihingi.

Siya: Ah… Tipong pag madadaan kayo sa tindahan ng bulaklak eh lilingon ka na lang.

Ako: Oo, yung mababali na leeg mo paglingon.

Siya: Tipong nakahawak pa sa elbow niya tapos habol tingin sa mga bulaklak sabay hilig sa balikat. Tapos sasabihin nia “I love you”.

Ako: Ampotek, Nyahahaha….

Kami: Bwahahahahha…

Ako: Na-realize kong wala pala akong karapatang malungkot kase mas madaming tao ang mga may totoong reasons para malungkot. Di na kelangan ng mundo ng malungkot na force.

Siya: Anlupit mo naman sa sarili mo.

Ako: Ganon talaga.

Siya: O sige na, magpaparamdam ka ha. Baka nagfo-forty days ka na pala diyan…

Ako: Ano ka ba, pag nagpadasal ako ikaw lider!

Kami: Bwahahahaha



I have just decided that I am only gonna listen to happy songs. Haha... And my newest fave is this one:

Prinsesa

Mula noong ako’y nag-umpisang maglakad
Tila may kumpas ang bawat hakbang
Natutong sumayaw sa sariling paraan
Sa bawat tugtog na alam
Hindi naman sa ako’y nagmamayabang
Kelan ma’y hindi pa natanggihan
Mahusay magdala at tila napakagaan
Sa hangin parang lumulutang
Maraming kapareha na sa akin nagdaan
Pagkatapos ng tugtog nalilimutan
Ngunit ng makita siya sa sayawang ito
Nanlambot ang tuhod at naturete na pati paa ko.

Panaginip kita, mahal na prinsesa
Minsan sana’y makapareha
Ibibigay ko pati puso ko
Para lamang makasama ka
Makapareha ka, mahal na prinsesa

Dahan–dahan nilapitan ang dilag na ito
At mapormang isinayaw sa gitna
Umikot nang umikot at nakakahilo
Lahat ng tao’y tulala
Iisa ang kapareha sa buong magdamag
Di ko siya mapagot at hindi matagtag
Di ko maiwanan at hindi rin mabitawan
Tuloy-tuloy ang kapit
Hanggang sa mauwi na sa simbahan

Mula noong kami’y sa simbahan naglakad
Magkasama na sa araw at gabi
May ilang mga supling na ngayo’y nadagdag
Na sumasayaw na rin sa tabi…

I like Itchyworms' version. :) Keeps me smiling. It's on my sidebar. Ü

Labels:

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Nothing Can Destroy Me

I was going to buy myself a copy of the dictionary I had lost a long time ago, but I saw Brida and decided to get it first.
Well, it's pretty interesting with ideas that I have been familiar with. I guess, it's just great to know that somebody thinks what I think too. Makes me normal, I guess.

'When you find your path, you must not be afraid. You need sufficient courage to make mistakes, Disappointment, defeat, despair are the tools God uses to show us the way.'

One way or another, I'll make mistakes; or somewhere along the path convince myself that what I chose is a mistake. But I want to assure myself that I'll choose whatever I choose, because it's what I want and not because I'm afraid I'll make a mistake. There is no reason for fear of mistakes when everything is uncertain.

Posted by dimas-away at 09:19 AM on March 15, 2008

Coming and Going

The sadder I am, the more I want to laugh.
You are hurting me by your coming and going.
A sad song playing over and over and over and over



Posted by dimas-away at 07:10 AM on March 19, 2008

Aba Naman

Yung aso ng kapitbahay ng kapitbahay namen, nakatali. Tos yung tali niya, abot hanggang kabilang kalye. -.-
```````````````````````````````````````````````````
Sabi ni Fred, pagkatapos namen magsimba:
Fred: Cess
Ako: O?
F: Alam mo si Charmaine, pag sumisimba kami, anlakas kumanta, gusto ko na ngang layuan (sparkling mata nia habang nagkwekwento), haha...
Tita Len: San kayo sumisimba?
F: Baclaran, di ba may wish kapag nakumpleto?
Ako: Amp, para ka nang si Poldik ah, may Baclaran pang nalalaman.
Nagcompare notes na kami ng mga tiyahin ko, at lahat kami eh nag-a-agree na inlababo si brother dear. Meron pa siyang nalalamang, 'nag iisang babae din yun, parang si Cess'. O siya, sige na, parang ako na, boto na nga ako diyan. -.- Haha...

Posted by dimas-away at 04:21 PM on March 24, 2008

Ü

I feel so, uhm, lighthearted, haha... Naalala ko lang kagabi, naisip ko na nga pala dati na I won't burden anybody of the responsibility of making me happy. Naisip ko yun nung I was in a relationship, tos I really wanted OUT. Kase naisip ko, napaka unfair nga namang umasa na pasasayahin ka ng kahit na sino. Kung masaya man ako, I owe it to myself. At kung malungkot ako, ako rin responsible for that. Kaya.... Magdi-divisoria muna ako, to be continued, kung ganito pa rin mood ko, haha... The thought is so liberating for me, I don't want to let it go. I always remember things.

Posted by dimas-away at 11:01 AM on March 29, 2008

post-post:
the danger is that you might just make the other person feel unnecessary and you'd eventually lose him/her.

The Mist

Eto ang 4th movie ko na pinanood mag isa dahil sa pms (una ang ratatouille (na feeling ko nasa school pa rin ako kase andaming bata, yun nga lang madilim), tapos license to wed (na nde ko trip, lalo lang akong na-pms), tapos jumper (ansaya naman ng MGA mata ni hayden...).

Pelikula para sa mahihina ang loob.

Na-realize kong ang sarap palang magulat mag isa. Matatawa ka sa sarili mo (yun eh kung baliw kang kagaya ko).


Natawa rin ako sa ending. Ang husay husay naman nila. Nagtataka lang ako, antapang tapang nila tapos ang ending eh gusto ring mamatay. Kamusta naman yun. You've gone that far, eh di sana nagpakain ka na lang sa mga super humongous creatures. Yun sana ang taking it faaaaaaaaaaaaaaar.

O, yan, lesson sa mga laging pa-end na ang mundo. Sinabi nang hindi pa end hanggang hindi pa (mahusay, tsk tsk).

Posted by dimas-away at 07:32 PM on March 31, 2008

Sabi Ko

Ayoko rin ng routine.
At ayoko rin ng feeling ng nagsasawa,
paulit ulit,
walang sense ang buhay,
at iikot pa rin ang mundo kahit wala ako o siya.
Kaya tinatanggap ko na lahat ng ilusyon sa mundo. Wehnong ilusyon, mas maganda ang mundo 'pag naniniwala ako sa mga ilusyon kagaya ni Peter Pan. Busy lang siya kaya 'di ko pa siya nakikita, busy rin naman ako, hahaha...

Mas gusto kong maniwala kesa magduda, kase mas masarap maniwala. Ako ang pipili sa mga paniniwalaan ko, kaya lahat ng magandang paniwalaan, paniniwalaan ko na.

Naramdaman ko na yan. May nasulat pa ako dahil diyan. Agnostic mode kase ako nun, panget ng feeling.


Nung naramdaman ko yun, 'di ko na shinare sa iba. Kase natakot akong may mawala rin sa kanila, ayokong maramdaman ng iba yung emptiness. Kase 'di ko alam nun pa'no ko ibabalik yung meaning sa buhay. Eventually, I got over the 'unbearable lightness of being'.


Gift talaga ang faith, hope, love. Maniwala tayo, haha.. Tingin ko naman, pwedeng moment lang yan, yang nararamdaman nateng duda.


Mas mahalaga ang mga pinaniniwalaan naten na nagbibigay halaga sa buhay kesa sa mga dudang nagnanakaw ng kahulugan.

Posted by dimas-away at 05:12 PM on April 1, 2008

Lalaki

Dessa: Sigurado ka na talaga, che? Aalis ka na? Di ka na mapipigilan?

Ako: Oo nga. I'm following my personal legend.

Dessa: Hindi pa nga rin ako sigurado... Mag-e-MA ba ako, o...

Ako: Eh ano ba talagang gusto mo. Begin with the end in mind.

Dessa: (tumahimik, tumitig, sabay bulong) Lalaki.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
Goodluck, Dessa Marie.


Posted by dimas-away at 01:10 PM on April 2, 2008

Sleeper

This one, I wrote for a sleeper, a slipper, a swayer.


Wake up,
sleeping prince;
you have
been dreaming
far too long.
Thousands of sunsets
have sung
their song;
your rose
has lost
her thorns.

Posted by dimas-away at 03:20 PM on April 9, 2008

The Song of the Bird

The disciples were full of questions about God.

Said the Master, "God is unknowable. Every statement about Him, every answer to your questions, is a distortion of the truth."

The disciples were bewildered. "Then why do you speak about Him at all?"

"Why does the bird sing?" said the Master.
-Not because he has a statement, but because he has a song. The words of the Scholar are to be understood. The words of the Master are not to be understood. They are to be listened to as one listens to the wind in the trees and the sound of the river and the song of the bird. They will awaken something within the heart that is beyond all knowledge.

The Song of the Bird is one of my favorite books, though I don't own a copy of it. I got to read it when I stayed in Davao with the Maryknoll sisters. It's Sister Cele's.

Sister Cele is the sweetest octogenarian I know. She made sure she bought cookies every week because she thought I love them. I'm not really into sweets, but I ate them anyway. She packed snacks for me before I go off to work every day. It was extra sweet because she didn't really have to do it. I guess that's how you make some things special. You don't have to, but you do anyway.

She had this Japanese spitz, Sheena, who liked to bite men in white, silently. Haha... My partner Vivian taught me how to pet dogs so they wouldn't bite. So every time I came across Sheena, I would pet her, tensely. Haha. She never bit me, so I think I did a good job. Actually, I did a super great job that the other octogenarian sister, Sister Virgeen, thought I was a dog lover. 0.o So when Vivian went home and I was left in Davao, Sister Virgeen very thoughtfully offered Sheena's newborn puppy. Well, I shrieked and Sister Virgeen got the shock of her life. She told me she thought it was going to cheer me up. 0.o, I'm scared of all the animals in the world, especially baby animals, uber young animals, that is.

Anyway, I just miss them. I occasionally miss people.

I didn't even talk about the story above. 0.o I like the story, made me stop trying to understand things. I experience them, and even if they don't make sense to me, I don't mind and I'm not worried. It's good to marvel at things, wonderful things.

Posted by dimas-away at 05:59 PM on April 9, 2008

Teacher Pwincess

Finally, I'm doing it. My first formal teaching in a formal school set up.
Whew.Sigh. I am so sleepy right now ( sleepy head.. Jecho, my 4yo cousin, would say), but I can't sleep yet. There are just too many cluttered to-do's in my head. AAAAAARRGGHH..
I have a combination class; that means I'm teaching two levels in a class, that is Nursery and Kinder... and Toddlers, maybe, because I have Jesse, who is a year old and 8 months, and then some other 2-year-old kids. Eli, who is 4 yo, comes at 8am because she's in Kinder level. The other kids are supposed to come at 9am.
Here's my long class list this week: (harhar)
Eli (4yo)
EJ (2yo)
Angela (3. something yo)
Dana (2. something yo)
Jesse (1.8yo)
Maia (2. something yo)
Eli. She's a very sociable kid, in fact, she gets anxious when there are no kids to play with in the room. She didn't want to separate with her Kuya, who is in Senior Prep, and I had to show her books (thanks for THE BIG GREEN MONSTER book (which I had to read thrice to Eli) that my cousin lent me!) so that she would agree to come inside the room. Eli is, well, as I've observed, most advanced in the EQ department among her classmates. I actually had more exposure to kids who are of Eli's age that's why she can easily respond to my teaching approach.
EJ. EJ is the only boy in class. He is sitting in because his mom wants to know first if he can adjust to the school environment since (according to her) EJ has been diagnosed with mild autism. I think EJ can actually adjust and I find that he also has social skills although he is not as loud or active as other kids are. But he's only 2, and I just don't know... But I would sooooo love to have him in my class! I was also suprised to find out that he knows the letters d, o, r!
Angela. Angela is really like an angel and she's almost always smiling. But she also makes Teacher sad. Haha... She likes moving around and pulling labels off the wall, chair, table, etc. and I really have to work hard on having a more structured class management. When she sees that she has done something not nice, and she anticipates Teacher saying, "Oh, Angela is making Teacher Princess sad.. ", she would quickly point to any label displayed in the classroom and would smile sweetly and would ask Teacher to read it for her. Hah! My angel, my angel... I love her angelic face and her energy!
Dana. Dana comes to school with her two nannies. Dana cried terribly yesterday. Her nanny tried leaving her, but she hollered like h*ll. I talked to her about having friends and playing in school, but she insisted that she wants her Ate. I told her I can let Ate come with her to class but she has to stop crying and join our singing and playing. She answered me, crying, "Hindi na ako iiyaaakkk.... Huwaaaaa.... Hindi na nga ako naiyak! Puntahan na natin si Ateeee!" Oh well, her Ate can come with her to class for the first week of the S.Y. I hope she can be friends with Eli, Angela, EJ, Jesse, and Maia in time.
Jesse. Jesse is the baby in class. She's a year old and 8 mos. When she comes to class in the morning, she doesn't cry, but she's super 'suplada'. Haha... She goes around the room as if she owns it. Hehe... I love her when we are in the playground. She calls me Asess (oh, yeah, haha). She always wants me to assist her when she slides down. She gets 'masungit' when Ate Chona tries to assist her. Sometimes she would get the toy phone in the playhouse and say, "Hello, mommy?" Jesse is funny during snack time. She doesn't want to eat her sandwich and drink her milk. She wants everybody else's food. She always sits beside Angela since she loves Angela's colored cereals and juice drink! Haha... I should try to remember to inform her mommy of this, Yesterday, when we went to the library, Jesse so enjoyed a book with animal pictures. I read it to her and she imitated the animal sounds. She was so engrossed with it!
Maia. Maia is my co-teacher's daughter. She's calls herself baby. She's used to being the center of attention and is adjusting to having to share the spotlight. Hehe... Friday was an improvement since she only hollered twice. I'm positive that exposure to school environment would develop Maia's personality.

Now the Teacher has to sleep. Oh gawd, I hope I could prepare everything and put things in the right order. Oyasumi nasai!
Ang lahat ng mga kahindik-hindik na pagkakamali ay aking isinisisi sa malabong mata at inaantok na kamalayan. Ay, whatever.

Posted by Chicher Ya on Friday, 22 June 2007 at 10:45 PM

It Heals

Would you ever stay with someone just because you didn't want to break their heart?--
I won't. I wouldn't want anybody doing that to me either.
If you find someone more special, you should let me find my own more special person as well; that'd be fair. I don't care about my heart breaking, it heals.


Posted by dimas-away at 02:55 PM on April 16, 2008

Sabi Ko Lang

Comment ko ito sa isang entry ng isang, obviously, eh blogger din. >>>
"di naman kase yung mas maganda o mas gwapo, o pinakamaganda o pinakagwapo ang laging pipiliin.... dapat alam mo yun, d ba may mas gwapo k shooter, pero mas gugustuhin mo si shooter ."

Si Chorvah


Si Chorvah ay hulog ng langit.
Isang araw bago magsimula ang klase, nahulog si Chorvah mula sa kalangitan. Sabi ni T. G., "She's perfect!" Unang ngiti niya, alam ko nang isa siyang anghel, anghel na may sungay, may halo, pangil, at dalawang pares ng pakpak, puti at itim. May buntot din siya.
Nung mga unang araw, dun lang siya lagi sa kwarto niya. Dun din niya laging binalak na kumain. Sinabi ko sa kanya, "Ba't nandyan ka? Dun tayo sa faculty room."
Ayun, dun na nagsimula ang lahat. Nalaman naming isa siyang babaeng bakla. At sinimulan na niya kaming sakupin. Tinuruan niya kami ng foreign language, ng mga ka-chorvahan. Ang pansit na chonsitetels ('di ko talaga ma-master), ang lalaking ohmbre, ang baklang dessa marie, ang babaeng gelay, ang pangit na chopsuey, ang aalis na ghostbuster, ang mahirap na purisima daga, ang gutom na tom jones, ang inlove na inlababo, ang baliw na ningning, at iba pa. Mas madami kase yung mga green, kaya tama na, pasado na ako.
Hanggang si Chorvah ay naging si Mother Lily. Madami akong nadiskubre sa kanya. Conservative pala siya, na 'di mo maiisip dahil sa dami ng kaalaman niya ng green sa mundo. Sasabihin niyang umuwi ka na 'pag gabi na eh nasa labas ka pa rin (gabing gabi na raw ang 9pm, kamusta ka naman, chenelyn?). Shocking ka talaga, Mother.
Minsan nagniningning din si Mother. Kagaya dati, nung nagka-conflict sa aming masayang kaharian. Gumulo ang mundo kase andaming nagningning. Pero ang maganda naman kay Mother, inaamin naman niya 'pag sinabi mong 'ningning siya kanina'. "Chorvah, isa ka pang ningning kanina. Ano mga sinabi mo, lalong gumulo," sabi ko dati sa kanya. Sasabihin niya sa'yo, "Ewan ko, ang gulo gulo na nga, 'di ko na maintindihan."
Pinaka-interesting kay Mother, eh, ang lablayp niya. Pero 'di ko na ibo-broadcast. Hahaha... Basta alam ko masarap magmahal si Mother, totoo, and she deserves to be loved to the highest power.
Si Mother din ang official cook namin. Sabi ko sa kanya dati, "Diyan talaga ako 'di pwede. Napaka-accident prone ko sa kusina (washu, sa kusina lang daw). 'Di ako papasang housewife." Pero sabi ni Mother, dati rin naman daw 'di siya marunong, lahat naman daw napapag aralan.
Minsan 'pag kami lang ni Mother, mababanggit niya ang mga kapighatian sa mundo. Titingnan ko siya ng mas matagal sa normal. Ayokong makakita ng malungkot na clown. Masakit makitang malungkot ang taong laging masaya. Pero lalo kong minahal si Mother dahil mas nakita at nakilala ko pa siya.
Nakwento niya dati, nakakita daw sila ni C ng matandang babae sa kalsada. Si C ang anak niya. Sabi daw niya kay C, "Baka pabayaan mo rin ako pagtanda ko. Lalagyan mo pa rin ako ng eyeliner at lipstock 'pag tanda ko." Sabi daw niya kay C, "Kaya ikaw, mag aasawa at anak ka rin, para may mag aalaga sa'yo". Tapos bigla niyang sinabi sa akin, "Para kaseng ikaw yun eh. May pagka-man-hater." Ako naman, biglang defensive, "Ako? Hindi ako man-hater. I love men, I love them!" Sabay tawa ng bwahahaha... Sabi ni Mother, "Hindi naman siguro hate, tipong 'di lang lalaki ang priority." Sabi ko sa kanya, "Madami pa ring mag aalaga sa'yo pagtanda mo."
Sabi ni Mother napaka-unfair daw talaga ng mundo sa kanya. Sabi ko naman sa kanya, 'di pa naman tapos ang buhay. Hindi naman kailangan na planuhin lahat sa buhay. Poproblemahin mo ang future, kahit naman anong gawin mo 'di mo mai-se-secure ang future. Kahit maglupagi at gumulong gulong ka pa. Eh 'di magpapakasaya na lang ako. "Relax and enjoy the ride?" tanong ni Mother. Sabi niya, bata pa raw kase ako. Kahit na, ayoko pa rin ng malungkot na matanda. Bwahahahha... Kung magpapalungkot sa'yo ang pag-iisip sa hinaharap, eh 'wag mo nang isipin. Kung makalimutan ni C ang eyeliner at lipstock mo, ako na lang. Ako na maglalagay ng eyeliner at lipstock mo. Sabi ko naman sa'yo, Mother, ipa-tattoo na lang naten. Haha...
Para kay Mother Lily: Madaming nagmamahal sa'yo, Mother Lily. Ang gift sa'yo ng universe eh ang mga taong nagmamahal sa'yo, ang maganda mong mukha (sige na nga, at katawan, haha), at ang maganda mong kalooban.
Mami-miss ko si Mother Lily, at ang mga halakhak, mga pangchochorvah at iba pa. Pero magkikita pa rin kami, at mananatiling masaya.
Isa siya sa mga taong tumangi sa akin. Ang swerte swerte ko naman...
Posted by dimas-away at 10:36 AM on April 19, 2008

Exit

Tapos na exit interview ko. So I can go now. 0.0
Nahihirapan nanman akong mag ayos ng gamit. Eto talaga problema ko. Kase pati basura may sentimental value. When I was younger, umaayos lang kwarto ko pag darating si Kim, yung insan kong OC. Siya yung nagtatapon ng mga bagay at nag aayos. Tos pag hahanapin ko, ipapaliwanag niya kung bakit dapat nang itapon.
Pati mga receipts, 'di ko tinatapon. Pero one time, tinapon ng lola ko isang bag of receipts ko. Bwahahah.. Tos yung mga totoong basura 'di niya tinapon. Sigh. Lolx. Cute mag ipon ng receipt, instant journal. "Ah.. Nung ano pala, blah blah blah..."
Kausap ko ang fafa ni Chorvah kanina. Sabi daw kase ni Chorvah sa kanya, sa lahat sa school, sa'ken siya nakakarelate. Kaya daw gusto niya kong makilala rin. At sabi ng fafa ni Chorvah, sa lahat daw sa school, sa'ken daw siya aloof. Abah. Malakas daw dugo ko, I don't get that. Pero mukha nga ako minsan masungit. 0.0 Pero di naman ako nagsungit sa kanya pa. Partida pa amp. Siguro kase lagi kong kinakampihan si Chorvah. At nung one time na tinanong niya kung friend ko siya, ang sagot ko eh, "Si Chorvah ang friend ko." Eh sa yun ang totoo. Haha...
Anyway, tapon mode muna.
Posted by dimas-away at 12:18 PM on April 23, 2008

Kwentong Prinsesa

Characters:
Ako
Cuz Pet (26yo insan)
Setting: Sa kwarto niya
Cuz Pet: O, asan picture dito ni Mark? (Si Mark ang pinakamamahal niyang boypren.)
Ako: Bwahahaha... Sign yan.
CP: Ayun, nalaglag lang.
Ako: Ay, bibigyan kitang piktyur ko, naglinis akong wallet eh, andami ko palang 1x1. (Dun ko rin nalaman na magkasama pala ang globe sim ko at puk code nia. hayzz. ayun expired na siya.)
Abot piktyur.
CP: Haha, mukha kang maamo dito.
Ako: BWAHAHAHAHA...
CP: Mukhang di ganyan tawa mo dito.
Ako: Huh? Di naman ako nakatawa dian ah.
CP: Hinde. Mukhang di ka ganian TUMAWA (BWAHAHAHAHA) dito.
Ay... Haha... Kelangan mag iba ng tawa.

Posted by dimas-away at 10:01 AM on April 24, 2008

From Random Me


I sleep later than J, and I'm still the first one to get up.
I told her it's so difficult to be a panggabing tao sa pang umagang mundo. Like, I'd really feel sleepy the entire day, training'd go on, and just when it'd end, sun'd come down, could go to bed, I'd feel so awake and perked up.
Pwede daw akong ladyguard (ladybug?), since ayoko naman ng call center. Or GRO. Too noble a job for me though. J told me I should have been a policegirl, since kayang kaya ko naman ang sungit rapid speech. Plus matutuwa pa daw mga ka-pulis ko kase ayaw nila ng night duty. Kaso nga lang daw, lampa ako. Bwahahaha.. Baka daw ikamatay ko pa pagkadapa etc etc. Payn. Di ko nga naisip na magpulis.
My friend was telling me about this date she had last night, and I asked her if it was the guy she went to the zoo with. "Uy, in fairness, nakakaalala ka na" was the reply. Do you know how it is with friends who's got too many characters in their lives? You just get lost. Good thing I remembered that one guy. Honestly, I hardly remember their names. I have this other friend who also got lotsa characters in her life, and sometimes she would go, "Bat nga ba kami nagbreak nun?" And believe it or not, I know the answer most of the time. She would forget and I would remember. Great.
My friends back in the old school were so funny. I was telling them this stupid story about me (aka updating) and they started giving me all the advices in the world. I called Chorvah up when I woke up this morning. I knew she'd be on her way to school, and I was still in bed, but I had to get up, and I didn't feel like getting up because I didn't want the activities for the day, so I had to motivate myself by calling her up, laughing my lungs out. And it worked. So I might do it every day just so I'd feel positive and start my day right.
Posted by dimas-away at 06:44 PM on May 6, 2008

World Peace

AKO: cuz
AKO: alam mo binugaw ko c (*&^% sa college friend ko
AKO: sarap mambugaw
AKO: gusto kong ikarir, walang lesson plans

BF: baket
BF: war na talaga kayo

AKO: sinong war?

BF: hahaha
BF: kala ko binugaw mo (*&^% sa friwendster
BF: as in tinanggal sa frnd list mo
BF: mali pala
BF: hahahaha
BF: waaaaahhh

AKO: gaga
AKO: as in nireto ko cia

BF: oo nga getz ko na
BF: hahahaha

AKO: kakatuwa
AKO: i think they like each other
AKO: natutuwa ako
AKO: cuz, pede na kong bugaw

BF: kanino mo binugaw

AKO: weeeeeeeee
AKO: natutuwa ako

BF: hahaha]

AKO: college friend ko

BF: kikita ka jan cuz

AKO: walang fee
AKO: masaia akong nakikitang masaia sila
AKO: cuz, isipin mo, pag lahat masaia, wala nang maninira ng kasiyahan ng iba
AKO: yesssssssss

BF: hahaha
BF: my gulay cuz pde ka na philosopher


pede pa palang manira ng kasiyahan pag may mga greedy. bwahahhahaha.. greed destroys it. payn. at least i'm doing something for WORLD PEACE. yebeh
Posted by dimas-away at 09:41 PM on June 3, 2008

Pila 'Ni?

We were in Mandaue mercado earlier. Ansaya Putikan kami ni JM.
Actually, ang masaya dun eh nakapunta kami dun sakay ng multicab (yey). Sabi ni Kuya guard, sumakay daw kaming 24I, ayun, magtatanghali na wala pang 24I. Haha... Ba't ba laging mali yung turo sa'men. Sabi pa niya 'wag kaming magta-Tagalog 'pag sasakay ng cab kase iiikot lang kami. Eh mukhang inikot din niya kami sa 24I niya ah. Bwahahaha.. Kidding. Baka nagkamali lang talaga, siya o kami. 22I yung isa. Baka dumadaan din sa mercado yun.
Ayun, napraktis ang pagbi-Bisaya skill ko. Haha... Si JM hirap na hirap, sanay pa naman sa tawaran yun, para siyang robot. Lolx. Bumili kaming unan, alkansiya, saka bumili akong pakwan. Kala ko dati peborit ko ang pakwan. Ewan. Hahaha... Tos andaming mga plawers, gaganda ng kulay. Sabi ko kay JM, "Plawers o. Mother's Day. 'Di naman ako mother. Bwahahaha..." Tos naalala ko lang dati, napagtripan kong bumili ng singsing, ciempre bumili ako. Feeling ko empowered na empowered ako, I don't need anybody to give me things I want. Ayun, wala pang two weeks, nawala ko na siya. Bwahahahha... Ganon 'ata yun pag ikaw lang bumili. Wahahaha.. Madali lang iwala. O mawala lang talaga akong tao. Kase dati, sinoli ko lahat pinagbibigay saken ng nanay ko, kase lagi silang nawawala, tos kinakabahan ako, so binalik ko na lang, para wala akong iwawala, 'di na ko kakabahan.
T'os kahapon nasa SM kami, may nakita akong vent brush. Naalala ko dati yung vent brush ko. Naisip ko, ang hilig ko palang bumili ng suklay, 'di naman ako mahilig magsuklay. Bwahahahahhahahha...
Speaking of SM, ayun, sinubukan naming mag multicab papuntang SM. Sabi ni Manong, sasakay ng 13C, kakaliwa yun, bumaba kaio at sumakay ng multicab na may SM. Ayun, pagkaliwa, bumaba naman kami. Kaso wala namang multicab na may SM. Puro Carbon. Kamusta naman. Sa madaling salita, nag-cab din kami.
Umulan ng malakas, ayun ang haba ng pila sa taxi stand. 'Pag mga pilahan, people watching mode yun. May nakita kami ni JM, couple. Si Ate mukhang masayang masaya. Yung lalaki, mukhang 'di masaya. Titingin-tingin sa paligid, except kay Ate. Hahaha.. Sabi namin ni JM, mukhang EB ng textmates ito. Sabi ni JM dapat daw madala na si Kuya, pa-textmate textmate pa kase. Sabi ko naman, ayos lang 'yun, you learn by making mistakes. Bwahahahhaha... Nakakatawa talaga itsura niya.

Posted by dimas-away at 02:41 PM on May 11, 2008

Tisyu

WEeeee... Nahanap ko na ang nawawalang plastik ng mga tisyu. Errrr.... Nahanap pala ni Manang.
Kaninang umaga, pagpasok ko ng shower room, nakita ko si Manang, nakaharap sa salamin habang sinusuklay ng kanyang mga daliri ang mahaba niyang buhok (ba't kaya I sound like may HD kay Manang, nyahahha). Nagulat naman si Manang sa aking presence, at dahil tumingin na siya saken, ngumiti na lang ako ng ganito >>
^_____________________^
(tipong di ko na siya makita dahil nawala na mga mata ko dahil tinodo ko na yung ngiti ko, bwahahaha)
sabay sing-song ng
g O o D m O r N i N g ...
all the while,
(kala mo naman napakatagal na while ang gOoD mOrNiNg)
naka ganito pa rin ako >>
^____________________________^
Ngumiti back naman si Manang, tapos bigla niyang tinanong, "Di ba ikaw yung galing Room 731?"
"oPo..." pa-sing-song ko pa.
"May nakalimutan ka," ang pagpapatuloy pa ni Manang. (Lintek, san ko nakukuha ang mga pagpapatuloy na yan, bwahahaha...)
"Ahhhhhh... Yung
TISYU (halos sabay pa naming sinabi. Soulmates tayo Manang, bwahahahhaha...)
po..." sabi ko ulit.
"Sandali, kukunin ko," ang sabi ni Manang.
Huwaw, akalain mo nga naman. Nung lumipat kami ng room ni JM, di ko talaga makita yung mga tisyu, hanggang gumiv up na ako, sabi ko pa nga "Wag ka nang magpapakita sakeng tisyu ka ha".
Tapos, pagbalik kong kwarto, excited kong ibinalita ang MAGANDANG BALITA kay JM. Sabi ni JM, "Aba, magaling at ibinigay pa sa'yo."
Sabi ko naman, "Aba, ibibigay talaga sa'ken ni Manang yun, todo gOoD mOrNiNg at ^______________________^ kaya ako..."
Bwahahahah.... I love you, Manang. Nyahahahha...

Posted by dimas-away at 08:55 PM on June 5, 2008

the hows and whys

I wrote this for that Somebody I have held special for the longest time.


I longed for,
waited for,
and wanted
YOU.
It's NOT
WHAT you are,
or
WHO you are.
It's just you
BEING.
It's you
EXISTING.
It's becoming a SPECK
just to BE.
It's your face that
MIRRORS mine.
It's finding YOU finding ME.
It's at last KNOWING,
at last BEING,
at last STAYING.
Posted by dimas-away at 12:28 PM on June 15, 2008

Really Back

Game. Welcome me back. I closed the other blog because it was too... errrrr... loud there. Too many people. I like it here better. Isa lang mambabasa ko. Nyahahaha...
Anyway, I'll be posting the entries I have in the other blog before I made it private.
My boardmates and I were looking through song lists when I saw Absolutely (Story of a Girl) by Nine Days. I blurted, “Ayan, gusto ko yan. Iyakin kase ako.” The other boardmate said, “Ikaw?!” I don’t know why I suddenly became defensive and replied, “Uhm, iyakin ako nung bata pa ‘ko.” To this, she said, “Ah… Mukha ka kaseng emotionally strong.”
EMOTIONALLY STRONG, RESERVED, STEADY,ETC. I’m just uncomfortable showing emotions, especially strong ones. I actually feel stupid sometimes. I told my cousin I might as well try holding on instead of letting go since I have been so used to letting go, and really, there’s nothing much I can still learn from it. But, you know, there’s no holding on by yourself. If the other person has decided to let go, there’s nothing much you can do, too.
My cousin calls me "Cuz na Walang Puso" now. I do have a heart, a have a big heart in fact. I just don't let it rule me. You know, the wisdom of knowing yourself is in being the master of it. It's not enough that you know what you are, how you react to things, how you are in different situations. You have to be the master of it all, because, really, you are almost powerless beyond. Or to put it better, your power lies in your mastery of self.
I don't know why I'm so serious (why so serious? 0.o). :( It's probably good because I don't always get sober.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

moon in capricorn

Moon Sign is the internal You affecting the way that you feel, the way you react and even your instinctive behaviors.
rarely show emotions, have trouble with them, and have very little regard for expression of them.
suppress their emotions to a great extent.
often lack a strong father figure in their early childhood life. moon represents what is desired in life; capricorn is the sign of fatherhood; capricorn moon in early life, seeks father figures, and lack them; which supposedly manifests by their inability to be flexible (capricorn moons seek structure like a person in desert seeks water).sensible, practical, ambitious, methodical, and consistent.
quite insensitive to others' feelings, overly pragmatic (which could be positive or negative depending on the situation), workaholics, restrictive, and obstinate.channel emotions through work and other daily structures, which could lead to depression, overly structured, inflexible lifestyle.
Serious and responsible, try to carry the world on shoulders and rarely let others know that you need help and support.
deny or ignore own emotional needs and feel that others will not accept you if you appear "weak".
You are especially uncomfortable with emotional dependency, and will tell yourself and others (even children) not to be a "baby". You need to accept that no one is self-sufficient all the time, and to be gentler with your "childish" emotional needs and wants.
To others, you may appear to be rather hard-nosed and tough, with a businesslike attitude toward their personal concerns and feelings. Actually, no one is a truer friend. Your feelings and loyalties run deep, but you often do not let people know how much you care. You also need to learn to relax, enjoy yourself, and play sometimes.

I told my cousin and friends about this moon sign thingy. amazing lang ng onti kase ang galing. ano daw? hahaha... medio tama description. sabi nga ni cuz pet, 'cuz, tamang tama, ikaw na ikaw yan, hanapin mo saken dali'. medio may mali lang din, kase una, nde naman ako materialistic at i don't really work to earn rather than experience. eh mukha nga akong experience, kung san san n'ako napapadpad. ano pa bang d tama. ah ewan, basta yun. tama din na naiinis at uncomfortable ako sa emotional dependency. kaia i stay away from it as much as possible, at pag may nase sense akong ganito, eh naiirita ako. argh. paka-walang puso. kaia pala matagal ko na nafee-feel na wala akong puso. haha.... try nio rin yung inyo, lolx.
http://alabe.com/freechart/

Sunday, July 20, 2008

sabi ni gandhi

Secrecy is the enemy of freedom.
It's really difficult to be comfortable with someone who can't seem to speak up, to actually say how they really are. Really. I don't know. Sometimes, I already have the feeling of how she/he is, and she/he'd say something entirely different, and it sucks every time. It probably sucks because it's always a mixture of dishonesty, of hypocrisy, of untruthfulness, and of distrust. But it's especially entirely different and irritating and disappointing when you catch them telling a different story, and they don't seem to mind that you know that they are not telling the entire truth. What's up with that? Don't expect me to be nice when you can't even trust me, when you can't even be true to yourself. It's probably the reason why most of my friends are brutally honest, I like them that way. I feel trusted with the truth.
Oh yes, I can be really, really bad. And it won't help us that I don't have your talent for hypocrisy. The nicest I can be to someone who can't be truthful to her/himself and to somebody else is SILENCE. Try to make me do anything more and I become your worst acquaintance.
Whatever happened to world peace, satyagraha, etc? Hayz, you people are making it soooooo challenging.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

you make the sun come up on a cloudy day

the sun comes up even on a windy, rainy, or whatever kind of weather it is. 0.o

nobody makes it. it just does.

i bumped my head on my locker, hansaia. last night, i went to the grocery store with JM, Kaye, and my pink high heels. I got two cans of beer, food, and a bag of detergent powder. Sabi ni Maen, "Anong ginawa mo sa detergent powder??" I told her I sniffed it, and she bought it. 0.0 Some kinda friend, did she really think I was that crazy? o.0 Anyway, I told her I just realized how I love beer. I probably love it because it leaves me to myself. I told Maen I'd probably love drugs, too (you know, *drugs* not the usual ones that I'd take), except that I haven't tried them. And she bought it again. She buys everything I say. I always make people buy every stupid thing I say, until I exhaust them. I don't know why. Maen said, "Baliw ka na." And I asked her, "Kelan ba hindi?" I'll blame it on hormones. There, I'm free again. :)

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Taong Grasa

Magtataong grasa na ako next year.
Susuportahan naman ako ng mga friends ko. Kay Poldik ko pa lang sinabi, at sabi niya, magandang plano daw yun. Magandang simula.
Unang tanong ni Poldik, saan daw ako pe-pwesto? Sabi ko naman, aba, magandang tanong yan, dapat mag-get-together talaga tayo para mapayuhan ninyo ako.
Sabay tanong siya ng, "Bakit, anong problema?"
Wala namang problema, 'di ko pa kase nata-try mag taong grasa at mukhang masaya siya.
Mas masaya siguro kung lalaki ako.
Lagi na lang back to SANA EH LALAKI ako.
Pagwawari pa ni Poldik, malaki daw kaya ang kita ng taong grasa?
Etong si Poldik, parang 'di pa nakakakita ng taong grasa...
Sabi ko sa kanya, parang 'di naman niya ako kilala. I'm not after the kita, always after the experience. Kala mo napaka-noble. Sabi ko pa, manghihingi na lang ako sa kanya ng makakain 'pag mayaman na ako sa experience at walang pera.
Puro daw ako kalokohan. Sabi ko ANDAMOT naman niya.
Actually, eto na ang last NPA year ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko yan. Last na, kase matanda na ako. At mukhang healthy ako, so malamang lamang eh kailanganin ko ang kaperahan at security sa mundo. Mahaba pang lakbayin. Mahiya naman siguro ako sa mga nagmamahal sa'ken at lagi na lang akong carefree. Lagi ko na lang sinabi sa nanay ko na pabayaan na niya kase ako, pero 'di naman ako pinapabayaan. Sayang, payat na sana ako kung pinabayaan na niya ako. BWAHAHAHAHA... Sayans pala.
Gusto ko na ngang magsunudsunuran sa nanay ko. Tigilan na ang pagpapasaway. Naisip ko kase, oo nga, parang mas kilala pa ako ng nanay ko kesa ako sa sarili ko. Mas alam niya san ako magaling at kung ano ano pa. Ewan ko naman ba't naipa-ipanganak akong pasaway. Kala mo naman alam niya gusto niya (me talking to myself).
So next year, ita-try kong maging robot. Matagal ko na ring pangarap maging robot. Yung walang choices. Para 'di ko na kelangan mag-isip. Ayoko na mag-isip. Ayoko na. Haha... Paktay.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Nice Bleeding


Closed off from love
I didn`t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you`re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone`s looking round
Thinking I`m going crazy

But I don`t care what they say
I`m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don`t know the truth
My heart`s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing`s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I`m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don`t care what they say
I`m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don`t know the truth
My heart`s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it`s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I`ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don`t care what they say
I`m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don`t know the truth
My heart`s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

Monday, March 17, 2008

To Mr. Cockroach

I didn't plan to kill you today, or ever.

I woke up (after waking up before 2am, counting to sleep, then deciding to read until I fell asleep so deep I could not breathe. 0.0 Sabi na nga ba, I should have been a ladyguard) like a robot, doing my routine, when you popped out of nowhere and crawled everywhere like a lunatic.

You scared the pretty out of me. But, you see, I don't stay scared long. I eventually get over it and switch to my fight mode.

And that is what happened today. I showered you, no, not with my love, but with alcohol.

My precious alcohol all over you.

From: Lunatic Me

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Transpo Strike

Ang tanong: Sasali ka ba sa transpo strike?

Ang sagot ni manong driver: E, hinihintay ko lang mag 100%. Pag nag 100% e d sasali ako.

Ang naisip ko: Aba naman manong, nagpapatawa ka naman. Kasali ka kaya sa 100%, hindi magiging 100% yun nang wala ka. Sa madaling salita, ang paghihintay mo ng 100% bago ka sumali ay isang ilusyon.

Tapos, naisip ko, minsan ganon pala talaga tayo sa buhay. Hintay tayo nang hintay, hindi naten alam, tayo yung hinihintay. Tayo yung hinihintay para mangyari yung gusto nateng mangyari. Am I making sense? 'Pag ginawa mo na yung part mo, dun ka lang may karapatang maghintay sa gusto mong mangyari. Pero kung wala ka namang ginagawa, at naghihintay ka lang, e nagpapatawa ka. Kaya kung ako sa'yo, sa halip na maghintay ka, tumawa ka na lang ng hahahahaha hehehehehe at hihihihihi. Ayan, I'm starting to make no sense. Babye na nga.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Nothing

How many stars can you hold in your sky?

Do you pluck them out the moment they die?

When you miss them, do you hold them up high?

How long do you stare? Do you cherish just one?

Do you promise to stay? Do you actually do?



Maybe there is no one to find.
And what's so sad about that?

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Keep It Subtle

v: lam mo habang tumatagal, feeling ko, lalong nagiging strong personality ko
v: wahahah
v: di na ko ma reach
v: wahahha
v: me nanligaw saken, sumuko dahil sinabihan ko nung minsan na inasar ako na napikon ako na di kami magkalevel
v: di na nagparamdam
v: wahahah

AKO: sama neto..
AKO: d ba dapat nagme mellow pag umeedad

v: ewan ko

AKO: alam mo ba last advice nung lola kong matandang dalaga sa tita ko?

v: pa menopause na rin siguro ako
v: wahahah

AKO: 'ineng, mag aasawa ka. mahirap ang walang asawa. wag ka nang mamimili'

v: wahahah

AKO: tos nung isang beses, kumakain ako, e d ba malinis ako kumain, sabi ba naman parang daw ako yung lola kong yun

v: di ba me nakwento ko seu na separated na guy na dumidiskarte din saken
v: na parang wala kami commitment

AKO: tos sabi, baka daw matandang dalaga din ako. tos saka siningit nung tita ko yung advice sa kania nun before mamtay
AKO: o, anong nangyari dian?

v: amp!
v: naasar ako
v: nung me kinuwento na kalokohang ginawa
v: as in disappointed ako sa kanya
v: sabi ko nga wag na sha magparamdam saken eh

AKO: kelan ba nia ginawa

v: ang seryoso ko naman daw mashado
v: nitong 2 days ago lang
v: ok na yung honest eh, pero minsan, di na kailangan sabihin yun

AKO: ano bang sbi?

v: me muntik na daw sha magalaw na 18 yrs old
v: maid ng kakilala nya

AKO: nyahahhaa
AKO: manyakis ampotek

v: diring diri ako sa kanya
v: sabi nya, lasing daw kasi sha

AKO: talaga namang sinabi pa

v: pag ganon daw kasi, di nya na kontrol

AKO: nyahahaha
AKO: e ano yung sinasabi niang d ka mabiro

v: di ko alam kung mashadong honest at komportable o normal sa kanya yun
v: wala shang sinabi na di ako mabiro
v: ang sabi nya mashado daw ako seryoso
v: kasi nga nagalit ako sa kanya
v: sinabihan ko na sana magkaron sha disiplina at respeto sa sarili

AKO: haha
AKO: ibang level nga cia
AKO: dapat cia ang sinabihan mong d taio magkalevel

v: wahahha
v: putik, yung mga lalaki ngayon, puro substandard ano?
v: wahahah

AKO: hahaha
AKO: tumpak ka dian
AKO: naiisip ko nga minsn, mali ata ginagawa ko kaia d ko makita yung swak saken

v: amp, 30 na ko, wala pa rin
v: minsan isip ko, ako ba mali o sila? wahahah
v: mataas ba level ko o sila mababa? wahahha
v: kaya nga ko nag aral para baka sakaling ako mababa level eh
v: wahahah

AKO: kelangan kase ma expose sa tamang environment
AKO: nde kase taio exposed, nyahahhaha

v: marahil
v: wrong places napupuntahan natin
v: kumbaga wrong cage
v: wahahha

AKO: oo un un
AKO: puro unggoy
AKO: pipili ka pa e lahat naman unggoy dun

v: minsan nga, sa jeep pag me kasabay ako, sabi ko, mas maganda ako dun pero bakit me asawa o jowa sha

AKO: hahaha
AKO: kase viv, tinanggap nia ung taong yun kahit muntik nang may makasex na katulong

v: huh?
v: alam ko na maloko na sha, i mean, mejo babaero
v: kaya nga hiwalay eh
v: pero alam kong me delikadesa naman ng koni
v: konti
v: e nung sinabi nya na ganon nga, nanghina ako

AKO: oo naman
AKO: may mga nonnegotiables talaa
AKO: love doesn't make things right daw

v: di ako nakakondisyon na mahalin sha
v: wahahah
v: klaro samen yun
v: basta ang saken lang, maging tao sha na me delikadesa

AKO: nyahahha
AKO: yun ang mahirap
AKO: mahirap tlaga pag d mahal
AKO: kase andaling makadisappoint

v: sabi nya pa saken, ang lalaki daw talagang polygamous

AKO: talaga lang ha
AKO: sinabi mo bang ang tao kaia naiba sa hayop e dahil may free will
AKO: kaia yung mga taong sunud sunuran sa urges nila eh mga hayop ang ka-level

v: wahahah
v: mas matindi ka pa saken ha

AKO: oo, patay talaga saken mga bobong lalaki

v: ako nga namili ng subtle na words eh

AKO: naku, pag ganian, wag mo nang piliin, papagurin ka pa, d naman worth paliwanagan

v: hehehe

May Gunting Ako

Dumarami daw ang masasamang elemento dito.
May dentistang karumal-dumal na pinatay sa klinika niya.
May nabaril sa isang lugar.
May pinatay sa kabila.
Pero ang pinakanakakatakot para sa'kin eh yung gang na nangre-rape.
Ayun, naparanoid lang naman ako.
*Ako (bold), Sila (hindi bold)

"Weekends na lang tayo mag-gym para 'di tayo gabihin. Maggy-gym pa ba tayo?" ("Oo, bumili ka na lang ng pepper spray.")

"Ano kayang deadly weapon ang 'di halatang deadly weapon?"
(Silence)

"Cuz, bumili tayong pepper spray. Ano nga yung gas? Ah, tear gas. Bili tayo." (Magkano ba yun, 'pag kasya sa budget, sige.")

" Makapatay kaya 'to , che?"
("Che, eto o. Lagay mo sa shirt mo, MAY GUNTING AKO. Wahaha...")

("Sabihin mo lang, "Huwag kang lalapit, may gunting ako!" Kapag madami sila, ahh... Masyado kayong madami, sige ako na lang (self-destruct mode).)

"Sa'n kaya pinakamagandang target na saksakin. Malamang pangit 'pag sa kamay"
("Ano ba yang mga iniisip mo. Uhm. Sa leeg mo agad saksakin. Para 'di makahinga. O kaya sa tyan o sa legs.")
"Maganda nga sa leeg kaso parang ang hirap i-target, mapipigil agad ng kamay niya."

Hayzzzzzzzzz...........
Bad elements, MAY GUNTING AKO!!!

Count It Right

"Okay, let's count. One, two, three, four, five..."
These lines. I say every day of the weekday.

Or so I thought.

One Saturday, my auntie heard me say my lines, while I was sleeping.
Argh.
Yes, I was talking in my sleep. Of all things to say, I said my infamous lines and I didn't even stop at number five; I counted to 22! They said it's too many a number for a lotto bet.

I told my co-teachers/friends about it. Chorvah said, "Ahah, kunyari ka lang palang pa-cool, affected ka rin sa stress." (O.o) Awryt, fine. I'm stressed (maybe uber), but I just don't want to focus on it.

And sometimes, that's what's wrong with me. I don't face the music (“There should be no skulking or dodging ... every man should face the music ”). Or I plan to, but I eventually forget.

Then before I know it, there's a mountain of music to face. And it's a 'face it' or 'die facing it' thing. Haha...

I want to face the music before it becomes a Jupiter of music to face and I drown in it without even seeing it.

My other inconvenience (it's not a problem) is that I tend to overestimate or underestimate things. That's why I have a lot of music to face. Or maybe I don't, and it's just my inconvenience that is ruling me again.

Well, I guess I have to count better, see things with a better vision-correcting glasses. Maybe with practice, I'll get it right.

Then I'll have my quiet sleep.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Post-post-an

Kakapagod.
Betdey ni Hailey at ni Rayt bot
Happy betdey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The bluest sky is infinitely high, crystal clear.
Naalala ko lang.
Kelangang mag post eh, huweyt.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

This Too Shall Pass

The best thing about being imperfect is that you can always be better.
It is easy to show happiness, but melancholy... Ah... It burns.
I just want to say that my heart feels heavy these days.
It burns.
It burns.
It seems like I was just thinking of dawn when morning came. Then dusk came too early, it's night time again.
Oh, and it's dark; and my eyes burn along with my heavy heart.
Oh, love, how elusive you are. I find you everywhere but to embrace you is still a dream.
My heart has thorns and it burns to have you.
I am going to lose you as surely as dawn comes again.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

I'm an ENFP

My Personality Type is
TADAAAAHHHHH!

ENFP
ExtravertedIntuitiveFeelingPerceiving
Strength of the preferences %
33756289
Myers Briggs Test Results


Extroverted (E) 68% Introverted (I) 32%
Intuitive (N) 60.71% Sensing (S) 39.29%
Feeling (F) 52% Thinking (T) 48%
Perceiving (P) 65.52% Judging (J) 34.48%

Your type is: ENFP

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

ENFP - The Visionary


Profile by Sandra Krebs Hirsch and Jean Kummerow

ENFPs are initiators of change who are keenly perceptive of possibilities, and who energize and stimulate through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma.

Living

ENFP children are 'into everything.' Their natural curiosity results in children for whom questions were invented. They often spend long periods of time devising new and original --- but not necessarily practical --- languages, plays, and scenarios. Many ENFPs enjoy drawing, writing, playacting, and dreaming. They are often chosen as leaders because of their persuasive enthusiasm and their energy for new and different ways of developing things.

ENFP teenagers are agreeable, sociable, outgoing people who like to imagine themselves in the future. They spend many hours wondering and discussing with friends whom they will marry, where they will live, what their children will be like, and what work they will do. They leave no option or possibility unexplored and find it difficult to see themselves in any single job or career.

Because they see endless possibilities, to select one possibility appears to the ENFP to be too narrow a focus. They hate to be boxed into a career for life and therefore hesitate and resist making decisions. It is unwise for ENFPs to settle down too early, and they make the soundest choices when they delay career and marriage decisions until their middle to late twenties. Often when a decision is made, ENFPs will still leave a number of options open or change their minds as they encounter new information.

Even in their everyday activities, ENFPs often search for the new and the novel. If there is a logical route to work and ENFP has been driving that way continually, he or she will likely tire of it and look for other routes.

ENFPs are more likely than other types to change from one career to another, demonstrating their versatility in doing so. It is not uncommon to hear stories of ENFPs who have established themselves in a career and who, when faced with the daily routine of maintaining it, leave it to start another.

Adult ENFPs maintain characteristics that might be considered youthful, such as enthusiasm, curiosity, and a zestful outlook on life. As a result, people often enjoy being with them. Many times they are young-in-spirit as they age, perhaps because of their temperament.

ENFPs look forward to retirement as a time that can bring freedom from the restrictions of the work world and ample opportunity to pursue their varied interests. However, if ENFPs become disabled or experience a lack of resources, such as money, they may become despondent because this restricts their ability to quest after new experiences.

Learning

ENFPs often learn best through a variety of means, such as observing, reading, and listening to and interacting with others. They enjoy the search for new ideas and possibilities, and will put in the time necessary to master subjects they find interesting. One strength is their enthusiasm for the process of discovery. They enjoy survey courses, comparative studies, and disciplines in which there is much to research and explore. They do not like classes that are too structured, that consist only of lectures, and that allow no room for their imagination. They may get caught up in the learning process and consequently need strict deadlines to bring a project to completion.

ENFPs prefer a learning environment in which the teacher takes personal interest in them, in which there is an opportunity to talk about ideas with their peers, and in which there is a chance to ask questions and develop new ideas.

A motto that might describe the ENFP as a learner is "There's always another way or another answer."

Working

ENFPs often follow a nonlinear career track and nontraditional routes to obtaining knowledge, qualifications, and skills. When they are committed to what they do, they are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the entire world about it. For an ENFP, work must be fun and must contribute to something larger than merely collecting a paycheck.

The preferred work setting for ENFPs contains imaginative people focused on human possibilities. ENFPs want a work environment that is both physically and mentally colorful. They prefer a participative and collegial atmosphere in which employees are included in the decision making. ENFPs are less productive where there is disharmony because they pay more attention to the relationships between people at work than they do to the tasks. Their ideal job would offer variety, novelty, challenge, and freedom from tight supervision; it would be idea oriented and imaginative, and would have lively, energetic people enjoying themselves and their tasks.

Most ENFPs will say they are organized, but others might not see them that way. Their desire to be open to the moment tends to outweigh their need to be organized. Usually ENFP work space is arranged haphazardly, with work materials and personal momentos scattered about. In terms of the management of time, ENFPs find it particularly difficult to estimate accurately how long an activity will take. Because people's needs are more important than schedules, ENFPs are often late and characteristically full of apologies for their tardiness.

ENFPs prefer occupations that reflect their ideals and that promote harmonious relationships with others. They tend to be attracted to occupations with a service orientation. ENFPs usually find a place in their work life for creativity. They particularly enjoy people-oriented work in which they are able to combine things in new and different ways to benefit humanity. Flexibility and autonomy are important to ENFPs, who may bolt from organizations in which this is not attainable.

Common occupations picked by ENFPs include artist, clergy, consultant, counselor, entertainer, journalist, public relations worker, social scientist, social worker, teacher, and other occupations that allow ENFPs to use their creativity and insight.

Leading

ENFPs are energetic and enthusiastic leaders who are likely to take charge when a new endeavor needs a visionary spokesperson. ENFPs are values-oriented people who become champions of causes and services relating to human needs and dreams. Their leadership style is one of soliciting and recognizing others' contributions and of evaluating the personal needs of their followers. ENFPs are often charismatic leaders who are able to help people see the possibilities beyond themselves and their current realities. They function as catalysts.

Leisure

ENFPs often have a difficult time separating their work from their leisure. Because they like to have fun while they work and usually arrange their work lives to meet this need, the boundaries between their work and their leisure may not be as clear as they might be for some other types.

Because of their continual search for new things to experience, it is rare for ENFPs to become heavily involved in a single activity; their appetite for involvement is too great. Generally, ENFPs are on the lookout for new things and may come across what is "trendy" before others. They tend to participate early on in those new activities.

ENFPs like travel and reading because these activities open experiences of other times and places. Their reading often brings quiet and reflection time, as well as new material for their dreams. Their travels afford them opportunities to experience different people and cultures.

Some ENFPs may invite others to join them at plays, films, or in classes. Some enjoy physical activities in which they are able to challenge themselves, release their energy, and maintain their physical fitness.

Loving

For ENFPs, loving is an almost constant state. They are generally involved or in love with someone or something new. ENFPs may have originated the quotation "All the world loves a lover." When falling in love, they explore all the new possibilities in the relationship, and the new person is studied in every way. The ENFP tends to idealize his or her current relationship and will often say that their current one is "the best ever."

It might be argued that each type, when first in love, resembles a garden-variety ENFP, because ENFPs normally behave like people in love. Some of the cultural cliches about falling in love - such as "Falling in love with love," "Head over heels in love," "Love is blind," "All the world loves a lover," and "Throw caution to the wind" - seem to apply to the ENFP. This same boundless affection can be showered upon friends, co-workers, and others. People often feel unconditionally loved by ENFPs, but over time many of these relationships dissipate, as in "When I'm not near the ones I love, I love the ones I'm near."

ENFPs are delightful, enthusiastic partners who are young in spirit; there is rarely a dull moment with them. They readily note their partner's best aspects. They may overlook obvious details and facts about their partners that might cause other types to be more cautious. As relationships progress, ENFPs romanticise their partners and make strong efforts to rationalize any discrepancy between the reality and their "ideal."

When they are in love, they may either overcommit and ignore any unpleasant yet true facts; or they may undercommit, believing that there may be a better love "just around the corner." Therefore, ENFPs may be seen as fickle in their relationships as they search for the "right one."

When and if the flaws in the relationship become too obvious to ENFPs, they may admit defeat, feeling great pain because they have put so much energy into perfecting a particular relationship. When ENFPs are scorned, they overgeneralize about their partners' worst faults. Because ENFPs thrive on new possibilities, when they fall out of love, they rebound quickly.


Profile by David Keirsey

For ENFPs nothing occurs which does not have some significance, and they have an uncanny sense of the motivations of others. This gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 5 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. ENFPs strive toward the authentic, even when acting spontaneously, and this is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find this characteristic attractive. ENFPs, however, find their own efforts of authenticity and spontaneity always lacking, and tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, always berating themselves for being so conscious of self.

ENFPs consider intense emotional experiences vital; when they have these, however, they are made uneasy by a sense of being there but with a part of themselves split off. They strive for congruency, but always see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which ENFPs possess in a wide range and variety.

ENFPs exercise a continuous scanning of the external environment, and nothing out of the ordinary is likely to escape their attention. They are keen and penetrating observers and are capable of intense concentration on another individual while aware of what is going on about them. Their attention is never passive or casual, never wandering, but always directed. At times, ENFPs find themselves interpreting events in terms of another's "hidden motive," giving special meaning to words or actions. This interpretation tends to be negative and, more often than not, inaccurately negative. In the process, an ENFP may find that he or she has introduced an unnecessary, toxic element into the relationship. While ENFPs are brilliantly perceptive, they can make serious mistakes in judgment, which works to their discomfort. These mistakes derive from their tendency to focus on data which confirm their own biases. They may be absolutely correct in their perceptions but wrong in their conclusions.

Because they tend to be hypersensitive and hyper-alert, they may suffer from muscle tension. They live in readiness for emergencies; because they have this facility, they assume this is true for others. They can become bored rather quickly with both situations and people, and resist repeating experiences. They enjoy the process of creating something-an idea or a project-but are not as interested in the follow-through. They are typically enthusiastic, and this is contagious. People get caught up and entranced by an ENFP. Yet this type is marked with a fierce independence, repudiating any kind of subordination, either in themselves or in others in relation to them. They do tend to attribute more power to authority figures than is there and give over to these figures an ability to "see through" them-which also is not apt to be there. While ENFPs resist the notion of others becoming dependent or having power over them, their charisma draws followers who wish to be shown the way. ENFPs constantly find themselves surrounded by others who look toward the ENFP for wisdom, inspiration, courage, leadership, and so on-an expectancy which, at times, weighs rather heavily on an ENFP.

ENFPs are characteristically optimistic and are surprised when people or events do not turn out as anticipated. Often their confidence in the innate goodness of fate and human nature is a self-fulling prophecy.

Career

ENFPs have a remarkable latitude in career choices and succeed in many fields. As workers, they are warmly enthusiastic, high-spirited, ingenious, imaginative, and can do almost anything that interests them. They can solve most problems, particularly those dealing with people. They are charming and at ease with colleagues; others enjoy their presence. ENFPs are outstanding in getting people together, and are good at initiating meetings and conferences, although not as talented at providing for the operational details of these events. They enjoy inventing new ways of doing things, and their projects tend to become a cause, quickly becoming personalized. They are imaginative themselves, but can have difficulty picking up on ideas and projects initiated by others. They must make these ideas and projects their own if ENFPs are to lend their energy and interest. Once people or projects become routine, ENFPs are likely to lose interest; what might be is always more fascinating than what is. ENFPs make extensive use of their intuitive powers. They usually have a wide range of personal and telephone contacts, expending energy in maintaining both career and personal relationships.

ENFPs make excellent salespeople, advertising people, politicians, screen or play writers, and in general are attracted to the interpretative arts, particularly character acting. People to people work is essential for ENFPs, who need the feedback of interaction with others. ENFPs may find it difficult to work within the constraints of an institution, especially in following rules, regulations, and standard operating procedures. More frequently, institutional procedures and policies are targets to be challenged and bent by the will of an ENFP. Colleagues and superiors sometimes find themselves in the position of having to accommodate and salvage. At times, ENFPs demonstrate impatience with others; they may get into difficulty in an organization by siding with its detractors, who find in an ENFP a sympathetic ear and a natural rescuer. In occupational choice, ENFPs quickly become restless if the choice involves painstaking detail and follow-through over a period of time. Variety in day-to-day operations and interactions best suits the talents of ENFPs, who need quite a bit of latitude in which to exercise their adaptive ingenuity.

Home

As mates, ENFPs tend to be charming, gentle, sympathetic, and nonconformist. They are not likely to be interested in the less-inspired routines of daily maintenance and ever will be seeking new outlets for their inspirations. As parents, ENFPs are devoted although somewhat unpredictable in handling their children, shifting from a role of friend-in-need-rescuer to stern authority figure. They may not always be willing to enforce their impulsive pronouncements, but leave it to their mates to follow through. A mate of an ENFP can expect charming surprises: extravagant generosity punctuated by periods of frugality. Independent actions regarding money on the part of an ENFP's mate are not ordinarily welcomed, and the mate may find him or herself in an embarrassing situation of having to return purchases. ENFPs generally are the ones in charge of the home, and a conflict free home is desired, almost demanded. When he or she is in charge of economic resources, the ENFP's home may contain extravagant luxuries while necessities may be missing. They are not always interested in saving for the future and may be casual in giving consideration to such things as life insurance, savings accounts, and even a ready cash supply for mate and children.

ENFPs are characteristic in their pursuit of the novel, their strong sense of the possible, and outstanding intuitive powers. At the same time, they have warmth and fun with people and generally are unusually skilled in handling people. Their extraverted role tends to be well developed, as is their capacity for the novel and the dramatic.

Midlife

At midlife ENFPs may need to give particular attention to their physical health, concentrating perhaps on developing resources to release muscular tensions. Body awareness and relaxation exercises may deserve investment of energies; work with various art media such as oils, clay, and building materials may be pleasurable. They need also to discipline themselves against beginning too many projects and making commitments to too many people. They should more fully enjoy relationships and opportunities that already exist, even at the expense of neglecting new ones. ENFPs certainly need to relax, to decrease the number of hours invested in work, and turn to recreational activities-travel, visual entertainment, and physically relaxing activities.

Mates

Here is the herald, the spirited bearer of tiding. But underneath this effervescent enthusiasm is a person fiercely dedicated to "meaning" in life and reminiscent of the INFP crusader. Only the ENFP neither crusades nor meditates, not for long anyway. The ENFP is into everything, frisky, not unlike a puppy, sniffing around to see what's new. ENFP has to be in on everything, can't bear to be left out of anything. That's why they make such splendid reporters, newscasters, and journalists. Mercury. Now who would enjoy this frisky, bubbly-yet serious-person? The Rock of Gibraltar, of course-ISTJ, the "trustee." ISTJ, who revels in "keeping the books in order," "balancing the budget," "securing and ensuring," "stabilizing and steadying," "honoring contracts," "keeping the ship on a steady course" and "shipshape," delights also in providing anchorage and safe harbor for the heraldic ENFP.

Who else is attractive and attracted to our curious journalist? Strangely, the abstract scientist: INTJ. Lost in his abstract world of hypotheses, he finds anchorage in the person who knows what's going on in the real world! So ENFP can be an anchor or have an anchor, and who can tell which will be chosen.



Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
by Marina Margaret Heiss

[The following comes partially from the archetype, but mostly from my own dealings with ENFPs.]

General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (l ots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.
Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group w ith a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.


Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

by Joe Butt

ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs.

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Som etimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.

ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him.

ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone , especially on a regular basis.

One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends.

ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.

Functional Analysis:

Extraverted iNtuition

The physical world, both geos and kosmos, is the ENFP's primary source of information. Rather than sensing things as they are, dominant intuition is sensitive to things as they might be. These extraverted intuitives are most adept with patterns and connections. Their natural inclination is toward relationships, especially among people or living things.

Intuition leans heavily on feeling for meaning and focus. Its best patterns reflect the interesting points of people, giving rise to caricatures of manner, speech and expression.

Introverted Feeling

Auxiliary feeling is nonverbally implied more often than it is openly expressed. When expressed, this logic has an aura of romance and purity that may seem out of place in this flawed, imperfect world. In its own defense, feeling judgement frequently and fleetly gives way to humor. ENFPs who publicize their feelings too often may put off some of the crowd of friends they naturally attract.

Extraverted Thinking

Thinking, the process which runs to impersonal conclusions, holds the extraverted tertiary position. Used on an occasional basis, ENFPs may benefit greatly from this ability. Less mature and lacking the polish of higher order functions, Thinking is not well suited to be used as a prominent function. As with other FP types, the ENFP unwary of Thinking's limitations may find themselves most positively mistaken.

Introverted Sensing

Sensing, the least discernible ENFP function, resides in the inner world where reality is reduced to symbols and icons--ideas representing essences of external realities. Under the influence of the ever-present intuition, the ENFP's sensory perceptions are in danger of being replaced by hypothetical data consistent with pattern and paradigm. When it is protected and nourished, introverted sensing provides information about the fixed. From such firm anchoring ENFPs are best equipped to launch into thousands of plausibilities and curiosities yet to be imagined.

Perhaps the combination of introverted Feeling and childlike introverted Sensing is responsible for the silent pull of ENFPs to the wishes of parents, authority figures and friends. Or perhaps it's the predominance of indecisive intuition in combination with the ambiguity of secondary Fi and tertiary Te that induces these kind souls to capitulate even life-affecting decisions. Whatever the dynamic, ENFPs are strongly influenced by the opinions of their friends.

Copyright © 1996-2007 by Marina Margaret Heiss and Joe Butt
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Monday, January 07, 2008

Dead

I'm dead 'cause you won't let me live;
Dead, 'cause you won't let me breathe;
Dead, 'cause of the chance you won't give.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Akin 'To (Maiba Naman)

it's overwhelming
i want to drown in it
stop my breathing
even that is refused
beyond it, perhaps i'll find
what i wasn't looking for
in a while i'll find the door
goodbye is the sweetest thing
goodbye is the sweetest thing
give me the key
give me the key
i want to fly away
i want to fly away
tell me goodbye
tell me goodbye
i don't need you today
i didn't need you yesterday
i won't need you tomorrow
so tell me goodbye
tell me goodbye
goodbye is the sweetest thing
goodbye is the sweetest thing
give me the key
give me the key
i want to fly away
i want to fly away
tell me goodbye
tell me goodbye

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Gordon Lightfoot's

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If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishin well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
You know that ghost is me
And I will never be set free
As long as Im a ghost that you cant see
If I could read your mind love
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind that drugstores sell
When you reach the part where the heartaches come
The hero would be me
But heroes often fail
And you wont read that book again
Because the endings just too hard to take

Id walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script
Enter number two
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me
But for now love, lets be real
* I never thought I could act this way *
And Ive got to say that I just dont get it
I dont know where we went wrong
But the feelins gone
And I just cant get it back

If you could read my mind love
What a tale my thoughts could tell
Just like an old time movie
bout a ghost from a wishin well
In a castle dark or a fortress strong
With chains upon my feet
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
Youll know that Im just tryin to understand
The feelins that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And Ive got to say that I just to get it
I dont know where we went wrong
But the feelins gone
And I just cant get it back

Saturday, November 24, 2007

'Pag madami kang dapat gawin pero 'di mo magawa


bwahahahha...
0.o @_@
*turok *turok

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Right For Me



do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?
If you see it turn clockwise, then you use more of the right side of the brain and vice versa.
Most of us would see the dancer turning anti-clockwise though you can try to focus and change the direction; see if you can do it.


Monday, November 19, 2007

World Without Love (Kung Kani-kanino)

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Please lock me away
And don't allow the day here inside
Where I hide with my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

Birds sing out of tune
And raindrops hide the moon
I'm ok, here I'll stay
With my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

So I wait, and in a while
I will see my true love smile, yeah
He may come, I know not when
But when he does I'll know
So baby until then, lock me away
And don't allow the day here inside
Where I hide with my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

So I wait and in a while,
I will see my true love smile
He may come, I know not when
When he does I'll know
So baby until then, lock me away
And don't allow the day here inside
Where I hide with my loneliness

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love

I don't care what they say,
I won't stay in a world without love



sarap pakinggan sa jeep

Friday, November 16, 2007

Darn

That stupid boy is making me sad again.
Argh... Or maybe it's pms. It's what's making me seem RANDOM.
Anyway... Oh, man... *Tapik sa noo

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Some Are Fiction

I never liked the way he looked at me.
It was always as if he would look at me in search of something,
but he never found it in me.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

From The Little Prince

Today, I was reminded of one of my favorite parts in The Little Prince.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you --the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is MY rose."

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Not So Blue

(Naglalakad sa mall)

AKO: Bading ‘yung dalawa sa harap naten kanina.

SIYA: Sino? ‘Yung may kulay buhok?

AKO: Silang dalawa. ‘Yung may kulay ang buhok, siya yung straight na bading. Haha… Weird ‘no, straight na bading. ‘Yung semikal, feeling ko ‘yun ‘yung bi.

SIYA: Pa’no mo naman alam.

AKO: Umaakbay kase ‘yung straight na bading, tapos ‘pag may sasabihin siya, dinidikit niya ‘yung lips niya dun sa balikat nung kasama niya.

SIYA: O? Haha…

AKO: Tos ‘yung bi boy, ayaw ng PDA, sinasaway niya yung straight gay boy. Parang nahihiya.

SIYA: Haha.. Napansin talaga.

AKO: ‘Yung bi, madaming rings sa kamay. Yung straight homo, isa lang, sa left ring finger lang. Ambata nilang bading huh. Tingin mo kaya mong pumatol sa may past na lalaki?

SIYA: Uhm… Ikaw?

AKO: Feeling ko. ‘Pag mahal siyempre. Pero mahirap lang kase usually mga bi mga ma-sex na tao. Lustful.

SIYA: Siyempre ‘pag mahal. Siguro kung makikisabay ka sa mga experimentations niya, baka makuntento sa’yo.

AKO: Nyak, baka i-threesome ka nun. E iba naman ang love ko, carnal naman yung kanila, ‘di ako ganon.

SIYA: Tapos mahuhuli mo, wahahahha…

AKO: Lalaki karibal mo, haha… Hansaket.

SIYA: Ba’t parang may laman ‘yang sinasabi mo? Bwahahaha…

AKO: Oy, tangeks. Baka isipin mo nagkaro’n ng relasyon sa lalaki si *tooooooooooooot. Bwahahahahhaha…

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Kainan mode)

AKO: Tingin mo ba gusto ng lalaki ng matalinong babae?

SIYA: Uhm… Mas gusto nila ‘yung mas matalino sila? Yung mas in control sila? Siguro tipong domesticated. Pero depende rin sa lalaki malamang.

AKO: Ewan ko sa mga yan.

SIYA: Basta isa lang alam ko. Lahat ng lalaki sinungaling.

AKO: Bwahahaha… Tipong iniiba pangalan ng girls sa phonebook nila. Ewan ko sa mga yan, minsan mahal naman nila ‘yung babae pero nagloloko pa rin. Pero pangit na idea pa ring mag-generalize.


AKO: Cute ng babies, ‘no? Sarap i-hug. Babaeng instinct siguro ‘yung ganon. Kase minsan ‘pag nakakakita akong baby parang ansarap nang magkaanak. Pero mag-iisip ka naman, ‘di mo pa kaya.

SIYA: Basta ‘pag mga 35 na ‘ko

AKO: Mag aampon ka na?

SIYA: Hindi ah. Aalis na kong Pilipinas. Sa iba na ‘ko maghahanap.

AKO: Babalik ka pa?

SIYA: Malamang hindi na.

AKO: Maghahanap na lang akong gwapo.

SIYA: Gusto ko matalino.

AKO: Ayos lang ‘di matalino, mahirap na, baka magka-ADHD anak ko.

SIYA: Bwahahahah.. So ibig mong sabihin matalino ka kaya ‘pag prehas na kayong matalino prone na sa ADHD ang anak, bwahahaha.. Yabang.

AKO: Nyahahahaha… Pero gusto ko kamukha ko anak ko.

SIYA: Depende sa itsura ng tatay.

AKO: Hindi, gusto ko talaga kamukha ko. Bwahahahaha… Gusto ko lalaki. Malamang ‘pag babae karma abot ko. Maldita ‘ko eh. Tapos bading no, kase walang father figure. Bwahahahha.. Amp. Sige na nga, kahit may asawa na, basta pakitang tao siya.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa bar, lumalamon, umiinom, sinusulit ang isang linggong bakasyon)

AKO: Ansarap sigurong pumunta sa isang place na walang may kilala sa’yo.

SIYA: Mag-isa?

AKO: Kahit may kasama.

SIYA: Parang ganito.

AKO: Pero mahirap din kase babae. Ma-rape.

SIYA: Hindi rin. Iniisip mo lang ‘yan. ‘Yang limitations ng pagiging babae eh pwedeng gawin mong privilege.

AKO: So, ie-enjoy na lang pag ni-rape.

SIYA: Hindi, gago. Na sa’yo naman yan eh. Kaya ka mare-rape na sa’yo rin. Siguro sa kilos…

AKO: Eh ba’t may batang nare-rape?

SIYA: Bwahahahahhaha…

AKO: ‘Di ka dati ganyang mag-isip. Impluwensiya sa’yo ng *tooooooooot.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa bar, after a beer)

AKO: Feeling ko may kulang pa rin sa’ken.

SIYA: Ha?

AKO:Kasi kahapon, nagcha-channel surf ako. ‘Di ko ‘lam anong channel yun. Basta, ‘yung host may mga kasamang black kids. Tapos pinapakain niya, parang gutom na gutom. Tapos may dalawa pang kasama yung mga bata na nangingisda. Eh, na-bother ako. Naisip ko madami pang ganon sa mundo, wala akong nagagawa. Tingin ko may kulang sa’ken. Feeling ko kasi ‘di dapat ‘bothered’ yung maramdaman ko, eh. Basta.

SIYA: Buti ka nga nakakapag-isip pa ng ganyan. Simula nang magtrabaho ako sa *tooooooooooooot, puro school, bahay, nood, kain na lang ako.

`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa bar, pang-ewang beer)

SIYA: Pa’no kaya kung napalagpas mo na pala ‘yung para sa’yo, ‘no?

AKO: Waaaaa… Ayoko. ‘Di ako naniniwala diyan. Kung lumagpas siya, ‘di siya ‘yung para sa’ken.

SIYA: ‘Di ba nga, kelangan daw magpakita rin ng motibo ‘yung girl para mag-pursue ang lalaki. Kase minsan gusto naman ng girl, nag-iinarte lang kaya akala nung guy ayaw. E ‘di yun, lumagpas.

AKO: Eh, pa’no kung nag-inarte ka na? Bwahahahah… (Better luck next lifetime)

SIYA: Kung may babalikan ako, yung first boyfriend ko.

AKO: Si *tooooooooooooot?

SIYA: ‘Di naman si *tooooooooooot first boyfriend ko.

AKO: Wala akong gustong balikang boyfriend.

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa bar, lost track)

SIYA: 30 na ‘ko, ‘no.

AKO: Ha?! 29 kaya! Waaaaaaa…. 30 ka na? Anong year ka pinanganak?!

SIYA: Gagi, 30 nga. 1977.

AKO: (Tingin calendar sa phone)

SIYA: 30 nga.

AKO: SIYET. Ambilis ng panahon.. 28 ka lang ah. 30 ka na pala, amp.

AKO: Maghahanap na nga akong boypren. Nako, feeling ko naman kase… Siguro boypren na nde seryus. Kaso nga kasi… Nahihirapan akong makipag-break. Parang may nawawala sa’ken.

SIYA: Siguro sa edad mo, dapat yung panseryoso na hanapin mo.

AKO: Sa edad ko?! Ambata ko pa kaya. Eh, mga 30 ako mag-aasawa. Kung magseseryoso na ‘ko ngayon, antagal nun. Ayoko ng parang walang patutunguhan epek na naman, dead end again. Ikaw dapat naghahanap ng seryosohan. Magpakasal ka na nga.

SIYA: Uhm. ‘Wag bukas, holiday. Mga Sunday siguro.

AKO: Pagkakataon mo na nga ngayon, holiday, titser nagpapakasal mga Nov. 1. Bwahahaha…

SIYA: O, sige. (Tingin kay Kuya waiter) Kuya, pwede ka ba ngayon?

AKO: Bwahahahha… “Pakasal tayo, kelangang kelangan lang”, nyahahahha…

```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa bar, pagkatapos ng tatlong palit na ng tao sa kabilang table)

SIYA: Ambango ng popcorn. Gusto mo?

AKO: Sige. Popcorn lang kinakain nila o.

SIYA: Tingnan mo nga sa likod.

AKO: (Tingin sa likod. Isang platitong fries at madaming beer)

SIYA: Lamon ginawa naten eh.

AKO: Baket, naghahanap naman tayo talaga ng kakainan kanina. Sa Davao nga lumalamon din tayo. Haha… (Tingin sa phone) Siyet, empty bat, uwian mode tayo.

````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````

(Sa cab, pauwi na pagkatapos ng apat na beer)

SIYA: Who would you choose: the one you love or the one who loves you?

AKO: Choose? If I love him and he doesn’t love me back, he’s not even an option.

SIYA: Parang he doesn’t know that you exist.

AKO: Hindi, he knows I exist but I don’t matter to him. I exist, but I don’t matter.

SABAY: Bwahahahahhahahahha….

SIYA: Matter, eh ‘di ba matter is anything that occupies space blah blah.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Not At All

I don't think you think of me at all.
No, you don't think of me at all.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Posporo

Malungkot palang walang posporo. Minsan akala mo may posporo ka, baka nakatago sa kung saan. Baka 'pag handa na ang lahat saka mo makikita. Baka 'pag hinanap ko na, baka matagpuan ko na.

Kaso mukhang hindi lahat nabigyan ng posporo. 'Pag dumilim, maghihintay na lang akong dumaan ulit ang bahagi ng mundo ko sa may araw.

"WALA KANG POSPORO," parang isinisigaw sa'kin ng kalawakan. O, sige na, wala na. Sana masaya kang wala akong posporo.


Para sa posporo ko (kung meron man): PATAY KA NA SA'KEN 'PAG NAGPAKITA KA PA.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Mahahanap Din Kita

Kaninang umaga
Nagising akong may
Bakas ng ngiti sa mukha...

Kasama kita sa aking panaginip
Sasabihin ko dapat sayo....

Pero wala ka na...
Wala ka na pala...
Wala ka na.....

Naninisi, namimilipit sa galit...
Umiikot ang aking paningin
Sa mga tanong na di kayang sagutin...
Di na makikita, di na mahawakan
Ang maganda mong mukha pagkat...

Wala ka na...
Wala ka na pala...
Wala ka na...

Nasan ka?
Nasan ka?
Nawala lang parang bula...


Wala ka na...
Wala ka na pala...
Wala ka na....

Mahahanap din kita
mahahanap din kita
mahahanap din kita
mahahanap din kita
mahahahanap din kita
mahahanap din kita


I don't know why I like this song so much. Wala naman akong hinahanap. 0.o

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Sa May Kalsada

Isang ngiti'y sinuklian ng kislap sa mga mata
Ako'y nabihag, tunay na ligaya ay nasulyapan
Nais kong habambuhay ay pagmasdan ang iyong ngiti
Ang kislap sa mga mata ay gabay sa aking landas
Samahan mo ako doon patungo sa paraiso
Hawakan ang kamay, asahang kasama hanggang doon
Ang nais ko'y ikaw at ako doon sa paraiso
Kalimutan mo ang poot 'pagkat nandito na ako
Pawiin ang lumbay, sa yakap mo ka'y ganda ng buhay.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Did You Love?

Did you love?

"Oh, yes, I loved, I loved very deeply. I loved so deeply that when my love asked me for a gift, I took fright and fled." (Eleven Minutes)

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Not Kicking

I feel so dead tired. I don't know why. I overslept (I think) and I started the day feeling okay (though I was a little disappointed because I was hoping I'd be really early in school). I had my tea (chamomile) this morning, which tasted like 'butong pakwan' to me. I do like 'butong pakwan', but I don't really dig the idea of tasting it in my drinks. T_T I bought a box of it though. Argh. Maybe I should throw it away.
My corner in the office looks so... full. Haha... I think I should return most of the books I got from the library since I don't really have time to read them. I still have a lot of things to arrange and rearrange, but the problem is that, right now, I am not feeling so well. I feel weak and... Am I sick? Or is it the tea? Lolx. Or maybe the week. Maybe it's PMS. Again. Yeah. Monthly. I would have been more productive if I was born male. I wouldn't be bleeding monthly while trying to live the role the universe bestowed me with.
Or maybe it's the coffee. Most of the time, drinking coffee makes me feel really weird, negatively. I don't know why I bought that darn coffee anyway. Argh. Yeah, maybe that's it.
Superman: kryptonite
Prinsesa:coffee
My mom told me she craved coffee when she was pregnant with me. (-.-) Is there a connection? Or is that a silly thought?
Or is it still the coffee? 0.o
I'm off.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

reply sa post, kase wala naman akong maisip i-post kase ambagal ng universe, sigh

Stage lang yan. Kelangan niya lang daanan yan. You don't really have to do anything; just be there.Been there, been that lolx :D It's not the end of the world, it never is. Ba't nga ba ganon. "'Di ko pa tapos papers ko, patay ako sa teacher ko!!!!" Tapos nung 'di mo talaga natapos, buhay ka pa rin naman. It's never the end of the world. Ewan ko lang kung maiisip mo pa na end of the world 'kahapon' o 'kanina' kung nag-end talaga ang world mo.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Sinasapian

Bumalik ka na sa dati;
prinsesa nga ako
pero ayoko ng alipin

Friday, July 06, 2007

A Thousand Times

It feels like I've lost you a thousand times now
But time fills the space you always leave behind
I'm gonna get over you for the last time.

You won't give me the chance that I deprived you of before; and you're no better than I was.
Now I've to hate you like how you probably hated me before.

Goodbye a thousand times.
Maybe we're not meant to end up with the one we really love.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Chicher-Ya

"Chicher.... " Kumikislap ang mga mata habang itinuturo ang 'door' na printout na idinikit ko sa pintuan. "Yes, door."
"Chicher..." Kumikislap ang mga mata habang itinuturo ang 'wall' na printout na idinikit ko sa pader. "Yes, wall."
"Chicher..." Nakalimutan ko, habang kumikislap ang mga mata e kumurap ng isa, dalawang beses.
-the end-

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

O?

Bida ba ako? Ba't may kontrabida? Haha :D

Friday, May 18, 2007

From "The Divine Secrets of the Ya-ya Sisterhood" (Rebecca Wells)

"God knows how to love, Kiddo. The rest of us are only good actors. Forget love. Try good manners."

"Can I soften to love, with full knowledge of the suffering I welcome in? Thomas Merton said the love we most cherish will, of necessity, bring us pain. Because that love is like the setting of a body with broken bones."

"You know how some people, when they're together, they somehow make you feel more hopeful? Make you feel like the world is not the insane place it really is?"

"Nothing is really so very frightening when everything is so very dangerous."

"... your mother doesn't owe you anything. You're a grown-up... every mother fucks every kid up.."

"There is no answer. There never has been an answer. There never will be an answer. That's the answer."

"There is the truth of history, and there is the truth of what a person remembers."

"Use everything in your life to create your art."

"Sometimes the bebe she has to get sick to get well."

"In the land of the blind, the nearsighted man is king."

"Any baggage you have , Bebe, ceased to be only yours the minute that sperm hit that egg."

"Friends are supposed to act like harbor boats- let you know if you're off course. But it ain't always possible, Pal."

"One breath at a time, Pal, it's the only way."

"Words lead to deeds. They prepare the soul, make it ready, and move it to tenderness."

"... the alligators can get you at any age, Buddy. But the worst thing you can do is freeze."

"The point is not knowing another person, or learning to love another person. The point is simply this: how tender can we bear to be? What good manners can we show as we welcome ourselves and others into our hearts?"

"We're all hanging by a thread in the canyon of doom. We're all each other's keepers."

"I try to believe," she said, "that God doesn't give you more than one little piece of the story at once. You know, the story of your life. Otherwise your heart would crack wider than you could handle. He only cracks it enough so you can still walk, like someone wearing a cast. But you've still got a crack running up your side, big enough for a sapling to grow out of. Only, no one can see it. Nobody sees it. Everybody thinks you're one whole piece, and so they treat you maybe not so gentle as they would if they could see that crack."

"Those eagles, like angles, don't distinguish between work and play. To them, it is all one and the same."

Monday, May 14, 2007

Stupid Survey

+ Describe love in 1 word:
> imagined

+ Would you dare fool your bf/gf?:
> nope, 'cause i'd feel like the bigger
fool if i did

+ What do you do when you've been hurt
by the 1 u love?
> uhm, try to understand things, and myself

+ Single or taken:
> single

+ How do you feel right now?
> i don't feel like love's my problem

+ Do you miss somebody?
> si jing na bruha, c abby, lahat ng
friends ko

+ Does letting go always mean
goodbye?
> for me, yes

+ Rate yourself from 1-10, 10 highest,
how much do you love her/him:
> sino?

+ Are you willing to love again even
if you've been hurt many times?
> opkors, y not. pero nakakadala lang
pag feeling mo may negative

+ Are you in love?:
> nope

+ Do you prefer to see him/her
everyday or not so often?
> often but not everyday. pero gusto ko
naman nagpaparamdam everyday, o kaia
magpaalam ka muna kung d ka
magpaparamdam for a year, haha

+ Do you have a gf/bf?
> nada

+ If God will let you choose the one
who will love you, what kind of lover
would s/he be?
> driven, malawak isip,

+ Do you fight for love?:
> i don't

+ How will you know if you're in love?
> pag todo smile tos d ko napapansin
(ambabaw no, ganon talaga, haha)

+ Have you ever cried for the one you
love/like?
> nope, i cried for myself, wahahhaha

+ Are you happy or hurt?:
> ahh.. i'd like to think i'm more happy
than hurt right now

+ Are you loyal to the one you love?
> uber

+ Are you serious when it comes to
relationships?
> depende, pero i don't stay long if i
know i couldn't take it seriously

+ Does answering this make you feel
sad or happy?
> sad as in huhuhuhu? or happy as in
hahahaha? i dunno :D

+ When was the last time you cried?
> recently

+ Does crying help you? How?:
> opkors. 'cause i get over issues
easily that way

+ Do you have a secret love?
> uyyy.. isyu.

+ If yes, do you have any plans of
confronting?
> wala, 'cause i love secrets so pag
kinonfront ko wala na, e d sad naman.
hahahha.. just kidding. secret love
isn't love. un alam ko ha. so, wala.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

10 Things Most People Don't Know About Me

Eto napulot ko kay kaibigang Obri :) Papulot ha, haha...

1. Mas pipiliin ko ang radio over tv. Hindi ko alam kung may kinalaman ang pagiging auditory ko (e may sound din naman ang tv ah! hahaha) o kase mas madaling mag multitasking kapag radio lang. Pag makikinig ako ng radio, pwede akong kumain, magbasa, magsulat, atbp. Hehe.. Atsaka mas gusto ko sa radio yung nagsasalita sila more than nagpapatugtog ng music. Actually, nung una, kase maka Chico&Delamar ako, since ata naging fan ako ng mga un, mas gusto ko na ang daldalan kesa sa music, haha.. Parang yung music e commercial break. atsaka nakikinig rin ako sa am, kaia sabi nila para akong matanda.

2. Kaliwete ako pero kanan ginagamit ko pag gumagamit ako ng gunting :D at sa kanan ko rin hinahawakan ang spoon (kase a long time ago e napagalitan ako ng lola ng insan ko nung sa kaliwa ko nilagay yung spoon, may sa demonyo ata pag kaliwa hahaha).

3. I can write longhand backwards ala Leonardo da Vinci.

4. Takot ako sa mga pictures ng cosmos, nalulula ako, haha.. Stupid. Takot rin ako sa mga huge pix. Basta.

5. I didn't attend preschool 'cause I was way too scared of people, haha.. So, ang nangyari, I joined my grandaunt's class (grade 1), ayun nakisali kuno.

6. I'm nicer to people who call me Cess. :D At di ko alam kung bakit. Basta pag Princess tawag saken, parang d close, tipong impersonal, so medio aloof mode. Haha.. Pero some people have different pet names for me, like Prinsesa, Cessai, Prinsesita, atbp and I'm fine with them, basta yung Princess lang, hahaha.

7. I'm a night person. Mas active lang ako sa gabi, period

8. Fave line ng nanay ko saken e, "Ngumiti ka naman!". Hindi nia alam, ako si Miss Smiling Face sa totoong mundo. Haha, basta pag sinabihan nia ko nun, lalo akong hindi ngumingiti.

9. Naiiyak ako pag may umiiyak, kahit tears of joy lang nila yun, haha.. Kahit mga nananalo sa jackpot at nagchachampion, naiiyak ako.

10. I value friendship so much, una ang mga prends bago ang lablayp (d ba Pochai? haha)

Friday, April 27, 2007

Updated If You Call Me (As per request)

If You Call Me....

Princess-isa ka sa mga taong naa-aloof ako kase Princess tawag mo saken, o.O


Cess- you're a relative, former clasm8, a close friend, or a former teacher. Most people call me Cess, and i like it that way. I'm nicer when you call me by this name, I don't know why. Haha...


Sisay- you've known me since I was a child or you have recently discovered that that’s my childhood nick


Pechay- you're my Tito Bobby or my cousin Apet tripping, or a teasing bro


Cessai- you're a 1st yr college blockm8, Ayie, Apet, Fishboy, Ophy, or a close friend, a chatm8, or a Tito who mixed Cess and Sisay


Prinsesa- you're Ayie, Carizza, Mis Lou, Obrilata, Viv, Nessy (sino pa ba, madami tumatawag saken prinsesa..) or some1 who translated my name in tagalog


Princess Kristine Therese- you're my Tita Len


Prige- you're Maen, Vanekya, or Aaron

Beybel- you're my malambing mom


Prinsesita- you're my angry mom, angry bro, teasing friend/bro (some of my friends call me Prinsesita)


Cessita-you're one of my bros


Cousin/Cuz- obviously, you're one of my cousins


Kapitan- kaw c aliping sagigilid, ahehe (yan ha), c best guy friend Dongerz


Ganda- you're either Carizza or Mis Lou


Ses- you're Kay


Senyorita-you're my bro Pong/Toke/Koyz, or Poldict (Miss Minchin)


Ate Cess- you're Mamen, Kim, Klarisse or hopefully sumbody younger than I am


Sis- uy, mga ka-gb/kabobo ko yan


Teacher Princess- obyus ba, next time teacher cess na lang ako :)


Kristine- you’re one of the few teachers who call me by that name


Madam- you’re Cheryll


Cousinfriend- you’re Abby


Dude- you’re Ivy Nicole


Ats- you’re Shin or Yays


Flounder- you’re Mics or Gelo when they were younger (haha)

Yourhighness- aba gunbound people

Sesa- Viv, saka ibang new friends na naabutan ang Sesa nick ko sa prendster

Master- ikaw ang aking accomplice na nagngangalang Nessy, hahaha...

Bruha/Bru/Bruk- either ikaw c Pochai, Maen

Friendship- ikaw c Jinggay, ang friend kong miss na miss ko na pero ayos lang kase ansaia naman nia, kahit forever na ciang mang isnab, basta masaia cia (makonsensya ka naman, hahahha ;p)

Ninang Cess- uy, mga inaanak ko, pass muna, hahaha..

Ano pa ba... Uhm, ang hirap ng memory gap.. Uy, pag nakalimutan ko, 5mins ka lang pwedeng magtampo, tapos sabihan mo akong nakalimutan ko, ha? Hehe.. Pa-tweetums, d bagay. Lolx :-* Kulang lang daw ako sa hugs. Speaking of hugs...

Te Cessai- ikaw si Tekaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllllllll na miss ko na rin kahit na pa-suplada effect (bruha, hmp. lolx)

Ano pa?? Padagdag na lang :D

Nung nags-school pa ako, ' pag may exam, lagi kong naiisip na may makakalimutan akong isang sagot, wahahaha... Lagi ngang nangyayari, 'di ko alam ba't 'di ko na lang inisip na maaalala ko lahat, haha...

Nagkwento pa, 'no? Andaldal. Kaia ka tumitilapon sa tryc e. Wahahaha.. Alam nio na ba, na sumakay akong tricycle (shemai, spell traysikel? wahahaha) at bumangga lang naman cia sa truck at tumilapon ako palabas? Nde naman ako nasaktan, in fact nabuhay pa nga, hahahaha.. Sabi ng mabait kong accomplice na si Nessy, siguro daw may plaka na yung tricycle na TANGA AKO tapos sumakay pa rin daw ako kase maawain ako. Wahaha.. Ansabi ko naman, OO NGA, TIPONG NAGFLA-FLASH PA YUNG TANGA AKO. Actually, nag iisa lang ako nun, naawa naman ako sa sarili ko kaia napaiyak na ko, hahahhaha.. Pasa pasa at gasgas lang, dugo lang sa left ring finger, but I'm owkey sa owlrayt olredi.

Stupid cupid you're a real mean guyyyyyyy... Hey hey set me free. Cute ng version ni Mandy Ü


Wrong Mistake

If there is anything in this world that I value most,
it is friendship.

Kung friend mo ako nang harapan, be assured na pag hindi
mo ako kaharap, friend mo pa rin ako. Alam mo kase,
the last thing about me is KAPLASTIKAN.

I am terribly disappointed that you thought what you
thought of me.

Una sa lahat, HINDI KO KRAS ang boypren mo na kaibigan
ko. Ni katiting na pagnanasa, WALA. Sorry, but I dont
find him attractive, as you obviously do. Kaya ang
inaakala mong pagtutukoy ko sa kanya sa isang blog
entry ko ay WALANG KATOTOHANAN at malamang ay isang
malaking KATHANG ISIP mo lamang.

Ah, basta, ayoko nangpahabain, pero wrong mistake ka,
hija. Medyo disappointed lang talaga ako kase I was a
real friend to you until you started treating me bad.
Mind you, you don't have ANY right to treat me bad. I
never did anything disrespectful to you, kaya nga
nakaka-disappoint ka. BIG TIME.

Anyway, nevermind. Sabi ng friend ko, mahirap daw ang
insecure talaga, kaya maawa na lang daw ako sayo. Puro
wrong mistakes ka nian pag ganyan ka, pero pake ko ba?
Basta, fu** off, and don't mess with me. Shoo.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Leaving Tracks

"Cess, la na mama ko.. Iniwan na nya ko.."
It's always heartbreaking. It always leaves your heart kind of empty and heavy at the same time.
A bestfriend had just lost her mom to cancer. We had been praying for her full recovery for quite some time before heaven decided they needed Amazon Mama's services more.
I met her a few times. She was almost always the one who answered my phone calls. She was the amiable 'mom's friend', and she always had a place in my heart.
The finality of death leaves me feeling weak. It makes me believe I'm dreaming life. How could someone just go? It's sad when you think that you'd have to move on with life without them. It's almost as sad when you think of your own death, people forgetting you, people moving on as if you never existed.
What is existence, anyway? How could you say something really existed when at any moment you could lose them. And did you really lose them? Maybe we imagined it. Maybe they weren't really there in the first place. But if they really existed, I wouldn't want to forget them. To forget them is to accept the futility of their existence, of life.
It's scary when you look at someone you love and you imagine death possessing them. One moment you'd be talking to them, they'd be responding to you, and then at any second you could lose them. There could come a time when you won't be receiving anything from them. You couldn't know if you talk to them they'd hear you, or know you.
That's why I want to leave tracks. I exist. If there'd come a time that you couldn't feel me, at least you'd know by my tracks that I really existed. Let my tracks comfort you when death renders it impossible for my presence to.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Si Prinsesita

Sometimes I feel like I am in this world to find something I'd eventually lose.
And I don't know if I even want to find that something anyway.
Will having it be worth the pain of losing it in the end?
But then I learned we often find things without even really searching.

Dongerz

"Di mo kc lam yung feeling na nagtratrabaho ka na ibang level buhay mo" -Dongerz to Prinsesita
ayan, blinog ko. nyahahahha..

Si Dongerz ang aking best guy friend. BGF
Nakilala ko siya kase classmates kami nung highschool. Actually, eto ang unang nagpaiyak saken nung highschool (madami pa kaseng times na umiyak ako nung highskul life, dramatix ako e, haha). Pinagbasa kase ako ng teacher namen (si Miss ano nga un?) ng isang paragraph (amp, isang paragraph pa lang un ha); pagkatapos kong magbasa, ginaya lang naman niya nang ginaya yung pagbabasa ko. A long time ago, only the sun rode the sky... Pero yung version niya super arte, parang sinasabing ang arte ko. Iniyakan ko na, kase kaia kong umiyak (ows). Una pa lang pasaway na bata na.
Eto rin ang bugaw ko nung highskul. Nyahahaha.. Ang trabaho niya, makikipag usap siya sa guy classmates at itatanong kung sino sa tingin nila ang cute sa class. At ciempre, isisingit niya ako. At yun, successful naman siya kase more than isa na ang nagreklamo sa'ken na kasalanan daw neto.
Nung 3rd year kami, nag COCC siya, para officer siya sa CAT pag 4th year namen. Kung anu-anong pinagagawa sa kanila. Tos one time, tinanong sila nung isang gunggong na officer nila kung sino ang crush nila. E sa kasamaang palad e ako ang sinabi netong BGF ko. Ang task, dapat maging girlfriend nila yung sinabi nilang crush nila. Madali na sana kase friends na naman talaga kami nun, pwedeng joke joke lang. Kaso, pinalaki akong Maria Clara, kahit joke lang ayokong pumayag na girlfriend niya ako kunyari. Kahit pinipilit na nila ako ng ibang friends namen kase paparusahan siya. Nagmakaawa, inisip ko nang pumayag. Pumayag ba ako? Kase sabi niya pumayag daw ako, pero ang alam ko nde. Sa tagal kase ng pagbabawal sa'ken na wag lumandi at magboypren, feeling ko talaga mortal sin mag-bf (ayan, stiff tuloi ako, masaia na ba kaio? Haha..). Meron pa 'tong sulat na 'pag payag ka sa mga sinasabi ng sulat, wag mo nang ibabalik sa kania ang sulat, at pag binalik mo ang sulat, ibig sabihin 'di kaio 'kaio' (akalain mong gumaganyan ka pa, nyahhaha). E nawala ko yung sulat, na dapat e ibabalik ko sa kania. Ako naman super kabado (mukha akong tanga 'no, pwede namang sabihing nawala lang); sa isa nameng friend ko na lang pinasabing nawala ko lang yung sulat. (Papatayin mo ba ako at blino-blog ko to? Haha.. Leaving tracks e..)
Basta I'm comfortable with my BGF. Siraulo lang minsan kase nagpapaka-sensitive kahit napaka-insensitive naman niya (sounds like me, eh?). Isa pa sa nakakatuwa dito e tipong I see myself better through his view of me (tipong, uy, may mas insensitive pa naman pala kesa sa'ken eh, i'm not so bad, haha). Minsan lang ang galing netong manghula, mang-judge pala. Nyahaha.. Minsan tama, pero minsan kakainis ha. Lolx.
Nung nasa Davao ako, eto ang phonepal ko. Parehas pa kasi kaming naka-sun nun. Sa kanya ko nirereklamo at ikinekwento mga paghihirap at kasiyahan ko dun. Kinakausap niya rin mga estudyante ko, kahit bisaya salita nung mga yun, hehe.. One time pa niload-an niya ko. Super touched ako nun ah. Kahit yun lang yun. Para kaseng we were both in a kind of crisis then, tapos we had each other. Basta, parang first time kase may nag-ganon saken. Haha.. Iba kaseng sitwasyon.
Usapan pa namin neto, 'pag una akong namatay sa'men (dadating talaga sa ganiang usapan 'pag usap pa rin kaio nang usap tos wala na naman kaiong mapag usapan, nag aasaran na lang kaio), isusulat niya biography ko; at 'pag siya naman ang nauna, magsusuot ako ng bright colors sa funeral with matching balloons. Actually panakot 'yan para 'di siya mauna. Haha. Shit. 'Wag kang mauunaaa... :'(
Last chat namen, nagtampo effect 'to kase gunbound pa raw ako nang gunbound e nun ko na lang ulit siya naka chat online. Sorry na. Nagre reply naman ako ah. Ayoko nang sabihin, pero I'm still trying to be my better self.
Dongerz, life is happier with you around. I hope you don't get tired of my pasaway self kase isusulat mo pa biography kooo. Hehe.. :)







P.S.
DONGERZ, I am always your friend; if not the best, then at least the one who'll stay with you whatever choices you make in this lifetime. I also appreciate that you trust me enough to share your life with me.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Kahit san

Pangarap kita kahit papano pa kita isipin
Pangarap kita dinggin mo sana ang aking awitin
Pangarap kita gawin mo sana akong pangarap mo rin

Monday, April 09, 2007

Buhay pa 'ko

Ayan, paparamdam lang, para madama ninyo (potek, obri, ikaw lang ata nagbabasa neto, nino-ninyo ko pa, nyahahahhaha..) na andito pa ako sa earth.
Uhm.. Update:
Nasa Lipa, nasa bahay ni lola.
Bago ako bumalik ng Lipa, nakaaway ko muna ang 3 sa 5 kong brothers. Malupet talaga ako. Haha.. Senyales na yun na kelangan ko nang mag retreat, haha..
The night before (sige nga paki-translate sa tagalog, ung mahirap arukin) na uuwi akong Lipa, pinilit ko nang matulog agad. Tapos nakalimutan kong naka-WAAAAAAAA!!!!! pala ang profile ng cel ko. E may nag-txt. Ayun, nawala ang antok, nabadtrip pa. Tos after a while, nag text ang kaibigang Nessy ko. Misery loves company raw, kaia tumambay daw muna kami. Ciempre, ang mga text ko sa kania e mga tipong "I'm soooo messed up". Mga 11pm na nun, sabi ko sa nanay ko aalis muna ako, mi-meet ko friend ko. Nung nagsha-share-an na kami ng mga problema, ciempre talo ako. Isa lang pala ang problema ko, ang anxiety neurosis. Kung ico-compare sa mga shinare ni Nessy, nakakahiya mga prinoproblema ko. Nakakahiya nga, kaso malupet naman. Inner conflicts. Astigin talaga. Mamya nga schizophrenic na ako e.
Wait, out muna. Sumasakit ulo ko. Kulang o sobra sa tulog.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Tsk

I hate your 'SANA PALAs, your 'SOMEDAYs'.

I hate them because they made me realize that it wasn't you. It isn't you. And maybe, it won't ever be you.

Do you know how I knew you were a Mr. Wrong after all? I knew, I know, because it was always about the past with you. It was always 'I should have, I could have'. And then you upgraded to your 'Someday'.

I was delighted at first, elated, in fact. But then, TODAY struck me. It burst my bubble and then I knew I was fooling myself as you were fooling yours.
Perhaps we were our escape. When things weren't how we want them to be, we'd turn to us. We always had us. Or did we? Maybe what we really had was the illusion that we HAD us.

I was always in your past. And then later on, you had admitted me to your uncertain future. But I was never in your present. And that was what hit me.

If you really meant even half of what you claimed to have for me, you would have had the courage to be with me... Today. But all you had for me were the SANAs and the SOMEDAYs. And guess what? They won't take us anywhere.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Class, Bagong Lesson

Eto bago kong natutunan:
Wag kang makikinig sa Doo Bidoo ng Kamikazee kapag badtrip ka sa printer na ayaw mag-print dahil ayaw ma-cancel ang first document na dapat e na-print na nia, kase baka atakihin ka sa puso sa iniiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TUMAHIMIIIIIIKKKKKKKKK KAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buti na lang may prend ako sa ym na henyo at na-solve ang magcancel-ka-nang-printer-ka-sinabi-nang-cancel-cancel-cancel-cancellllllll problem ko.

Eto, ishe-share ko, bka may matutunan din kaio:
____________________________________________________________________________________
pi: ayaw mag print ng printer

er: musta?
er: bakit?

pi: ayaw ma cancel ung 1st docu
pi: pano cancel w/o reboot

er: no os mo? winxp ba?

pi: xp

er: try mo to sa RUN
er: mmc %systemroot%\system32\services.msc

pi: mmc(may space?)

er: tas yun service na spooler restart mo dun..
er: yup
er: lalabas yun services...

pi: ok wait

er: tas hanapin mo yun "print spooler"
er: tas double click mo sya, tas stop..
er: no nangyare?

pi: ang husay mo naman, nakakaiyakkkkk :''''')

er: ngek...try lang.. di pa sure..

pi: kanina pa ko binabadtrip neto, gusto ko na ibato
pi: ok na

er: hehehe
er: =)

pi: yeheyyyy
pi: ang galing mo
pi: salamat

er: salamat din..hehehe
er: at walang anuman..

pi: ang haba nun, d ko makakabisado
pi: hahaha

er: Start->All Programs->Administrative Tools->Services
er: yan din yun..

pi: ah ok
pi: salamat

er: o kya right click ka s my computer, tas manage..just in case kelanganin mo ulit..

pi: ayan, mas madali yan

er: tas yun services dun...
er: no ba print mo?

pi: sa dadi ko
pi: nasimangutan ko tuloi, nyahahhaha

er: palitan mo na yun status message mo...

pi: ay oo nga

er: hehehe
____________________________________________________________________________________

Buti na lang may nagbabasa pa ng status, hayz. makatulog na... x_X

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

From The Kite Runner

And that's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too.37

Better to get hurt by the truth than be comforted with a lie 39

It was Homaira and me against the world. And I'll tell you this, Amir jan: In the end, the world always wins. That's just the way of things. 68

I think a big part of the reason I didn't care about Soraya's past was that I had one of my own. I knew all about regret. 125

It always hurts more to have and lose than to not have in the first place 146

A boy who won't stand up for himself becomes a man who can't stand up to anything 151

There is a way to be good again.. A way to end the cycle 155

For you, a thousand times over

How seamless seemed love and then came trouble -hafez
She said, 'I'm so afraid.' And i said, 'Why?,' and she said, 'Because I'm so profoundly happy, Dr. Rasul. Happiness like this is frightening.' I asked her why and she said, 'They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you,' and I said, 'Hush up, now. Enough of this silliness."172

A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does not suffer. 209

And that, I believe, is what true redemption is, Amir jan, when guilt leads to good. 209

Father used to say it's wrong to hurt even bad people. Because they don't know any better, and because bad people sometimes become good. 222

I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. 255

Friday, March 09, 2007

Errr..

Ba't kaia (kaya!!!!) 'pag inlove, ang mild ng mga tao...
Like last time, dumating bro ko (d ko sasabihin kung cno sa kanila, lolx), t'os nakita niya 'ko naglalarong Gunbound, sabi saken, "Gunbound pa rin", malamya yan ha, I mean, ang lambing ng 'gunBOUND pa rIn' niya. E, usually, dapat, 'Ba yan, Cess, hanggang ngayon Gunbound ka pa rin', ganian dapat yung lambing na pangungulit niya e, yung pagalit kunyari na nang aasar. T'os ngayon 'gunBOUND pa rIn' na siya?? Aba nga naman, 'di tuloi ako nakapag-react sa gulat-pagtataka-paninibago. T'os ngayon marunong nang makipag-usap sa phone ng more than 1 minute?? Alam ko maximum time usap nun sa phone e a minute lang, huwaw, improving si Bro.

T'os eto namang isang bro na todo lock lagi ang kwarto 'pag aalis siya, one time sabi ko pahiram naman ng susi ng kwarto niya, panood ng dibidi niya, wala na akong napapanood (paawa kuno, bwahahhaa), huwaw, pinahiram nia. At wag ko daw kakainin snax niya, na kinain ko rin, sabay text sa kanyang kinain ko ang clover niya, ibibili ko na lang siya ng bago, bwahahha... At pagdating niya, ayos pa ring kinain ko ang Clover niya at magulo ang kwarto niya.

Samantalang ako, napalakas lang ng katok sa kwarto ko, nabwibwisit na ko, bwahahhahaa.. Full time taga-badtrip ko c Yayz. Kahit sa kusina, gang matutulog. Nung last tulog ko tuloi, naisip ko, I love you ako nang I love you sa Diyos ko, wala naman akong ginagawa para i-prove na mahal ko nga siya. Si Yayz nga 'di ko mapagpasensyahan. Ita-try ko na, sige, sige.

galing sa Last Kiss

"Stop talking about love. Every asshole in the world says he loves somebody. It means nothing."

"But it's true."

"It still doesn't mean anything. What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love, that's what matters. It's the only thing that counts."

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Catch Me Or Not, I'm Jumping

Don't let me pass you by,
Don't let me go...
I give him a piece of my heart and he throws it away.
Reminds me of the many pieces of hearts I had thrown in the past.
Maybe he'll be the prince who'll make this princess cry.
Which makes me afraid and relieved at the same time.
He exists!
And I wasn't just hallucinating when I decided to hope for him.
He's going to break my heart after he gives life to it;
But I will still go for that leap of faith,
Whether he catches me or not.

No Turning Back Time

Sometimes, we tend to judge ourselves by how we think other people measure or value us, without even knowing that they base their opinions on how we take ourselves.
I am almost over with pleasing other people. There were times when people regarded me as cold or apathetic. I wouldn't consider myself apathetic. Some people just tend to make a big deal out of nothing, when in fact their act of making it a big deal is the very same thing that makes the issue a BIG deal.
There are times when I wish I could undo certain things that I had done. But then, what for? So I could be perfect and accuse people of being imperfect? So I could have a perfect life and be haughty for a reason? After some considerations, you would actually consider it a gift that nobody can turn back time. My imperfections taught me to love, truly and deeply. It gave me acceptance and understanding. If I was capable of turning back time and making everything perfect for myself, I wouldn't have known how to love perfectly.

Pangarap

Ang mga tala sa kaitaasan
Na ka'y ningning sa kadiliman
Ay maaaring mawaglit
Pagsapit ng kaliwanagan.
Ang handog ng kalawakan
Mga matang nakatanglaw
Nang sa kadilima'y 'di maparam
Kagitingan ng puso sa bawat araw.

Sa Huli

'Di bale nang hindi tayo ngayon;
basta sa huli, gusto kong tayo pa rin.
Hindi na baleng sa iba'y masaya ka ngayon;
basta ba sa akin ang huli mong ngiti.


Asa ka naman. 'Che! Haha.. ;-p

?

Idinilat ang mga matang sa kadiliman ay nagtatahan.
Bumulusok ang liwanag, dala dala'y matutulis na espada.
Nais kong muling magbalik sa kadilimang aking tahanan!
Isara ang mga matang naluluha sa kaliwanagan.
Ngunit ang liwanag ay nagtatapos lamang sa pagsuko

...

Why do you look at me?
You know you would not find it in me
'cause you already found it in another...

Monday, February 12, 2007

Update Update

Short hair na ulit ako. Nung bata ako lagi ding maikli lang buhok ko, lalo na nung sa mga lola lolo ko pa ako nakatira. Tos nung kasama ko na mami ko, dun na lang ako nagkapagpa-long hair, with matching bangs, lolx. Ayan, may bago na ulit saken, sana ganahan naman akong gumawa ng mga bagong bagay, kagaya ng pag s start ng career. Amfufu na talaga ako, laging hesitant mag start, hanu ba yan, cessa cessa cessa, tsk tsk. May disorder na ata (?) ako.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Why Do You Cry?

'Cause you want something, and you can't have it

'Cause you know you're stuck, and you can't get out

'Cause you are where you don't want to be

'Cause knowledge stole your God and you just can't turn back time

'Cause you hate them, but you know you won't be feeling the same tomorrow

'Cause you want to be dead a long time ago, but you're still breathing for more than 23 years now

'Cause anger's taking over you, and frustration is devouring you alive

'Cause there is yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Nescience

Must always take caution that we don't lose ourselves in the mistakes that we were brave enough to commit.

I've lost myself, my faith, my zest, my drive.

Started out good; was always scared to make mistakes, of being blamed about something that could go wrong.

And then one day, I lost my monster and in return I became it. I dared many things, always thinking that life should be taken as I was taking it. I was so brave 'cause I was going against the flow. Or was I?

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have everything I've lost back. Or if I'll ever re-learn to value them.

A Girl So Light

There was a girl so light she was carried by the wind. She was never strong enough to go against it, but she was never too weak to drown in it either. She never complained though there were times she wanted to be still and see if things stay the same if she remained long enough.

Sagot ni C

Saan ka kakapit,
'Pag nawala ang lahat at ika'y mag-isa?
Kung pagtungo sa loob mo'y wala ring nandoon;
Siya ba ay nanakaw, o iyong naiwala?

Saan mo hahanapin?
Pader na nabuwag, buhangi'y natira;
Ikaw ay nabulag, at hindi siya makita;
Siya'y hindi marinig sa iyong pagkabingi.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

They Keep Falling

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Raindrops keep falling on my head
I'm just like a guy whose feet are too big for his bed
Nothin´ seems to fit
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

So I just did me some talking to the sun
And I said I didn´t like the way he got things done
Sleeping on the job
Those raindrops are falling on my head, they keep falling

But there´s one thi-i-ing I know
The blues they send to meet me won´t defeat me
It won´t be long till happiness steps up to gree-ee-eet me

'Cau-au-ause raindrops keep falling on my head
Hahh, but that doesn´t mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Cryin´s not for me
´Cause I´m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I´m free-ee-ee-ee-ee
Nothings worrying me-ee-ee

Raindrops keep falling on my head
Hahh, but that doesn´t mean my eyes will soon be turning red
Cryin´s not for me
´Cause I´m never gonna stop the rain by complaining
Because I´m free-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee
Nothin´s worrying me-ee-ee

_________________________________________________________________

Ang cute ng raindrops keep falling on my head. Kaso nase-senti mode naman ako, hahaha..
Sabay tawa. Y+Y

Nasusuka na 'ko sa Gunbound. Dati naglalaro ako kahit walang kasamang buddies. Pero ngayon kakatamad na walang kasamang buddies. Kakairita lang mga kalaro ibang players. Haha.. Dami naman kase nila iba't ibang klaseng abnormal. Tsk. Tsk. Buti nagsasawa na ko. Goodbye adeeekk..

Masaya na ulit ako kase nakasama ko nan'man mga friends ko. Kahit hindi sila lahat. Kahit isa lang sa mga minamahal kong prends, pwede nang gamot sa lumbay. :)

Hindi talaga ako ma-romantic/sexual love na tao. Mas ma-platonic love ako, haha.. Is that good or bad? Frigidgerl.

At ang random ko daw mag isip. Buti nga tumigil na ko sa random games sa Gunbound, kung nde, certified random girl na ako.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Cat With Manners

When I was little, I couldn’t stand being anywhere near any cat, not even our own pet cat, Kitty Wong.

Kitty Wong was the usual cat
you see in the streets. Her coat was a pattern of three colors: white, black and auburn. This my Dad considered lucky. She wasn’t very big, except of course, when she was heavy with kittens, which was usually most of the time. I would grow very tensed when Kitty Wong was around. I was the only one in the family with this kind of fear, which was considered by everybody in the house as irrational since Kitty Wong never did anything untoward. But whenever Kitty Wong was near me, or whenever I thought she would ‘attack’ me, I would shriek like crazy and get everyone’s attention. I would grab anybody near me and would immediately make them my ‘instant shield’ against my ‘assailant’, Kitty Wong. When I was too unlucky to have anybody near enough to be my shield, I would run as fast as my two feet could carry me. Sometimes I ran to doors near me, so I could shut them and Kitty Wong wouldn’t have any chance of getting near me. If the doors were too far from me, I would, in a flash, get on top of chairs, or tables and then holler like hell for somebody to save me.

One day, Kitty Wong did the worst thing she could possibly do to me. She invaded my dreams. One of the worst nightmares that I had of her had this occurrence:

I was inside my room, lying in my bed. My eyes caught something moving from my windows. And lo and behold, it was Kitty Wong, my major assailant, trying to get inside my room through the windows. (I had screens, how in the world was she going to enter my room through the windows, I don’t know. Dreams aren’t the most rational things in the world.) And there she was about to get very near me, and I knew I had to get fast to the windows and close it. But Kitty Wong’s head was already halfway through the window, and when at the zenith of my fright, I closed the window, Kitty Wong’s head got stuck in it. It was either to release her so she could live, or to kill her so my fear would be banished forever. But to kill her was to live in never-ending guilt (that I had killed our pet, well, at least, the family’s), and to release her was almost like suicide to me because in my mind Kitty Wong had long been attempting to harm me.

I woke up then. I didn’t know if I had killed her in my dreams, but at least I was already awake and I could once again have reality’s equanimity where cats wouldn’t even try to get into your room through windows, screen and all.

Kitty Wong had long been dead now. I’m not frightened of cats anymore, well, not as frightened as I was before. We had lots of cats; as of the moment we have 4 of them in the house. We have Tinkerbelle now; her coat is almost all-white except for some spots of black and auburn. I am not afraid of Tinkerbelle, but I am not fond of her either. Shintaro told me Tinkerbelle gave birth to 3 kittens when I left for Davao last November of 2005. Out of those kittens, only one is still living. Tinkerbelle gave birth to 2 (I am not sure now) more kittens when I came back from Davao last May of 2006, this, of course, is again according to my little brother Shintaro who loves cats a great deal.

I don’t know what happened, but we no longer name our cats. Maybe we had too many and they seem ephemeral compared to human life that we gradually resorted to describing in place of naming them.

Tinkerbelle’s offspring all have coats of white and auburn patterns. I like one of her youngest kittens, the one who is almost auburn all over except that she (or is it a he, I am not sure. It has a short tail, and Shintaro told me he noticed that most male cats (toms) we had have short tails. But he also added that ‘your favorite’ (pertaining to MY favorite) is still growing) has white spots on her paws and stomach area. But this particular cat is very elusive; she (let’s assume she’s female. She’s too cute to be male, haha) wouldn’t get near me. She would scurry off whenever I try to get near her that in time I got tired of admiring her cute look. Her other sister (This cat looks male to me, though it has a long tail. But I do remember that male animals are supposed to be more colorful and ‘prettier’ than their female counterpart) isn’t as suspicious of me, but I am not very much fond of her. She’s too thin and I don’t find her cute at all.

In my opinion, Tinkerbelle’s oldest offspring is the most unattractive looking of them all. He (this one has short tale and looks very tom to me) is almost all white except for some auburn patches. But among our cats, he’s the most unusual. He never mess up with the trash bin in the kitchen unlike all our cats including Tinkerbelle (this is one of the reasons why my Mom wanted to throw them away). He doesn’t steal food (Would you believe that Tinkerbelle knows how to open our microwave oven?).

One time I told Shintaro that maybe the reason
why the cats steal food is that they are not fed regularly. Shintaro thought it over but after a while he asked me, “But if that is the reason, why isn’t the short-tailed cat (we call him this because he has the shortest tail of all) doing the same thing?” Which had me thinking, hmmm.. Yes, that cat doesn’t steal food, he doesn’t mess up with the trash bin he doesn’t sneak in the house through the broken screen windows, and he doesn’t bound all over the place.

I could swear he could almost talk! One time, he meowed at me and was going to the
sliding door. His meowing was almost different from the other cats because it was very directed. And somehow I knew he wanted to get out and that he was telling it to me. I could almost swear this tom isn’t a cat at all. He’s human reincarnated into a cat! Haha. Which is really very scary, don’t you think so?


Now, when Shintaro and I talk about this cat, we pertain to it as the Cat with Manners (that is good manners of course; though we couldn’t see who he learned it from since his mom doesn’t exhibit the same thing). I don’t chase the cute cat anymore. I think I feel safer with the Cat with Manners. :)

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Speaker of the House

Eto late post; nag aadik nanman kase ako sa Gunbound. Better late than never naman, hehe..

"Oie Cess, ginawa ko yun para saio ha"
"Oo na nga"
"Tapos ano pa to... pati yun ikinwento e no."
"Alin?!"
"Kunwari pa e no, tinext kaia saken. Alam mo yang c ate..."
"She's a talker?"
"Hinde, speaker cia. Sobrang lahat na lang ikinwento sa lahat"
"Oie, nde, k shin lang"
"Sus, sinabi kaia saken"
Sabay tawa kami ni Shin.

Speaker daw ako. At na-realize ko naman, siguro nga. Ang hilig ko kaseng mag-share ng kwento. Ewan ko ba't ko nga kinekwento lahat. Hehe.. Di naman lahat, e sa natatawa ako sa sinabi saken, hindi ko lang nare-realize na baka ayaw nila sabihin sa iba. Kase naman, pag ayaw nio ikwento ko sa iba, bigyan n'yo 'ko ng warning! haha..
Tingnan mo, pati to kine-kwento ko, e kasasabi pa lang sa'kin na speaker daw ako.
Haha..

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Buti pa ang Ninja

pag may time machine ka ano gagawin mo?

hahanapin ko c elvis presley, haha..
ung time machine ntin ha ung binabalik ung itsura ntin
so pag hinanap mo si elvis eh bka alikabok ka pa lng. o ur just a thought during those times

ganon, ano pang silbi ng time travel ko, magiging alikabok pala ako. cge papanoorin ko na lang pala cia
sige lagyan ntin ng button ung time machine pra may option ka to look the same o magaadjust ung itsura mo sa year na ppuntahan mo
cge, gusto ko bumalik sa pinaka simula ng lahat
bka maapakan ka ng dinosaur


ano bang gagawin mo sa time machine?
ikaw naman nakaisip
ang lalayo nman ng ppuntahan mo. ako ung mga90s lng
uulitulitin ko ung may chance pa kmi magspend ni tricia ng time

arawaraw uulitin ko un

tpos ung lotto dream ko.

haha

astig

hmmm
wala ata akong ganong pangarap
cge, una ka na sa time machine
susunod na lang ako
tos ako naman ang mananalo sa lotto


__________________________


Ba't nga ba ang layo ng tingin ko.
Pero nung una din namang tinanong sa'kin kung anong gagawin ko sa time machine, sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga akong gustong gawin sa time machine. Wala akong maisip gustong balikan. Siguro papa-rentahan ko na lang, hehe..
Pero naiinggit ako kase alam niya ang gusto niya. Buti pa siya, alam niya kung ano ang magpapasaya sa kanya. Minsan talaga nasa malapit lang.
Sana ninja rin ako.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Aντίο Vεκρό Aστέρι

I'm not hanging anymore;
'cause it actually makes no sense
to know how to get out and get moving,
but to still choose to be stuck and to just mope.
It took me forever to decide
and you're taking that forever this time.

Bakit nagpapaalam,
ni hindi pa nga alam?
Bakit ba tinatapos,
oras nama'y di kapos?
Bakit nga lumalayo,
di pa man dumarayo?
Kay tulin ng pagtakbo,
Kailan ka hihinto?

Bagong buhay nanman, nakakailang buhay na ba ako, hehe..
May bagong taon pa, YES! Ü
God bless, people.. Ü



αντίο νεκρό αστέρι

δεν θα ξεχάσω ποτέ να σας ξεχάσω

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Linggo Na Naman

kung buong kapangyarihan ay nasa akin,

at may kakayahan akong gumawa ng isang nilalang na mula sa akin,

buong kapangyarihan ko ring ibibigay sa kanya

ang lahat ng pagkakataong makabalik siyang muli sa akin.




akala ko ako lang ang nakakapansin na bumibilis ang oras, si nessy din pala. sumasabay ba ang tik tok tik tok sa ikot ng mundo?

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Another Day

I slept the whole day; and it didn't cause me headache.

Shin asked his Yayz to buy me some candies.. He thought I was sick and candies would cure me. He asked me how I was feeling 'coz I wasn't my usual madaldal self. Such a sweet boy.

Yes, I think I am sick. I am sick in many ways. I think I'm sick in every aspect; mental, spiritual, affective, physical, social, etc.

I don't know why I am in this mood; my pms mode should be days away.

You think you know me well; no, you don't know me. Astigin 'tong c Ray Charles. Hayz. Pandagdag damdam mode, lumbay mode.

I wanna cry an ocean for no reason at all.

I wanna grow. I feel like I am so immature and that I am not taking life as I should take it.

Little by little, I feel people slipping away, and myself being left where I've been for decades (2 decades and some years pa lang naman akong nabubuhay, what's wrong with me Y_Y)

I don't say I'm depressed anymore. It's almost my usual self.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

I'm Miss Cyclebreaker

"Do you think I should date while waiting?"


I was telling Shintaro about my.. errr.. not so nice but interesting kardia situation.


"No.."


"What do I do then?"


"Plan, execute, evaluate, organize."


Huwat?? Haha.. I got the shock of my life.

"What?? Where did you learn that?!"


"Home Economics. Steps in decision making. Plan first then attack."


I somehow didn't like the idea of "attacking".
I laughed so hard, but hey, that made sense.

OK. I'll have a plan.
I'll execute.
I'll evaluate.
I'll organize.
I'll wait.

Last time I was at Viv's place, she mentioned about Pooh's wisdom on waiting.
While waiting, do what you like most doing.
Hey, but what I like most is the one I'm waiting for.

Humph.
Yes, I'll wait.
And if it doesn't come, I'd still be ok. I know. There are things to learn in waiting.

You won't be my black hole.
I'll break the cycle before it even starts.

Pwamis. Hehe..

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Somebody Else's Consequence of Their Not So Positive Choices in Life

It feels bad when you are somebody else's consequence of their not so positive choices in life, especially when they also find it hard to forgive themselves for making their mistakes.

I love her so much, sometimes I almost hate her.

I cannot undo anything that had happened. She cannot let go of her past though she finds it unbearable. But I came from her past, and I carry her heavy past with my present.

I understand her too well; it kills me oftentimes.

But I was not there when she made her choices. I would so much want to give up everything so she could undo her mistakes, but they're not in my hands, nor are they in hers.

Though she feels all alone in her battles, I was, am, always at her side. When she cries, I cry harder. When she bleeds, I bleed more.

She may not know it, but she's the only hero I have.

Cousin Pet Kong Mahal

Dahil mahilig ka namang magpahaging sa blog mo (tungkol sa napaka-inspiring mong love life), at lagi naman akong apektado (kahit dapat medyo nagsasawa na ako ngayon), ako naman ang magsusulat.

Si cousin pet kong mahal ang idol ko nung bata pa ako. Siya kase dati ang lagi kong kasama; at dahil mas matanda cia (nice, bwahaha) mas nauna niyang natutunan ang mga bagay bagay na dapat matutunan kagaya ng pagbasa at pagsulat at kung ano ano pa.

At dahil nga idol ko siya, at #1 fan niya ako (akala ko dati santa siya, kase ansipag magdasal, hanggang makatulog talaga), ako rin ang naging #1 uto uto niya. Lahat ng mga magic daw at kung ano ano pang bola niya e bumenta sa'ken, kaya naman lalo akong humanga sa kaniya. Hangang-hanga rin ako sa talent niyang pagdra-drawing ng paper dolls, kaya yun ang poreber request ko sa kanya.

Kaya nung marunong na siyang magsulat at magbasa, lalo naman akong na-excite na matutunan ang secret codes na walang ibig sabihin sa mga mata ko noon. Syempre, kelangan 'di ako nalalayo kay haydol kaia nagsulat din ako kahit puro mmmmmmm lang naman, tapos tatanungin ko siya kung anong basa dun. Tapos susulat ulit akong wwwwwwww, at itatanong ko ulit kung anong basa dun (tapos, 'di pa tapos, hehe). Pero ang pinaka-kahangahanga kay idol, hindi pa cia sumagot ng 'hindi ko alam' sa mga tanong ko.

Makalipas ang ilang taon, hindi na kami madalas magkasama ni idol. Natutunan ko nang mag isang utuin ang sarili ko, hahaha.. Si idol, 'di ko alam. Pero dati, lahat ng pagkakataon na meron para makasama ulit si idol, d ko pinapalagpas.

Tapos, natagpuan ni Marie Antonette c Mark Anthony (akalain mo nga namang parehas pang M A! nako, idol, 'di kaia ako mahirapan hanapin ang P K T ko? haha). Aba, syempre, huwaw nanman saken si idol. idol, aba, soulmate ba yan?

Kaso, sa kasalukuyan, si idol, d ata masaia. O kaia masaia. Masaia sa panghuhuli (ng isda?). At ciempre, ayokong masasaktan c idol. kaia pag medyo nararamdaman kong hindi maganda ang mga pahaging nia sa blog, syempre kelangan ko ring mag-react nang malupit lupit para d masyadong malungkot si idol (full support e).

Kaso, idol, nakakapagod na. Hahaha.. Tigilan mo na, kung 'di ka naaawa sa sarili mo, maawa ka na lang sa #1 fan moooooooo.. Huwaaa. Hahaha..

Ako cguro ang isa sa mga tao sa paligid mo na unang nakakita kung gaano ka kahalaga. Ako ang isa sa mga unang naka-unearth sa napakahalagang gem na Marie Antonette ang pangalan. Idol, super disillusioned na ako sa pag-ibig, wak mo nang dagdagan, haha..

Kung ako ba ang nasa posisyon mo at tatanungin kita, ano bang sasabihin mo sa'kin? Mag-ma-magic ka ba ulit? Papaniwalain mo ba ako ulit? May isasagot ka ba ulit sa akin?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Pili Pie

Shin and I made Pili Pie.

Don't know if it'd be a success yet (it's still in the oven,you see.. >.<). It's another experiment and I don't know if my 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration wouldn't go to waste this time (See, I had a kilo of pili nuts from my bro Fred when he came from Bicol. I didn't know what to do with it ('cause, see, Bro, I was expecting pili candies, not the raw nuts o_0), and I was thinking of making pili candies, but it seemed too tedious. And then as fate would have it (harhar) I saw two cookbooks, and guess what I saw! Pie recipes! Aha, then I knew what I'd do with my pili nuts.) Hehe..

See, I really like watching cooking shows on TV, especially baking, haha.. But cooking doesn't like me. Last time I tried baking cookies, they were too hard, I felt guilty about my asking my grandma to try them.

Hehe.. After many months here I am again. I am so unsuccessful in the kitchen. I don't know why my enthusiasm doesn't seem enough for cooking to love me. My mom doesn't like me in the kitchen. See, when I was about 4 or 5 years old, I got scalded (torso and right thigh) and had to stay in the hospital for a long time. After that, I had people asking about my scars and my mom showing them, always commenting on how they look like a map. I'm glad she stopped doing that before my teenage years, hehe.. There isn't much to show anyway cause they gradually faded and only a few are visible now.

Shin was so funny again. See, we have an oven but we don't really get to use it. My mom uses it when she bakes her famous baked mac. Anyway, after mixing our ingredients, I asked Shin to wake his Yaya (we started at 1130pm and it was already about 1230am when I asked him to do so) to start the oven. His Yayz looked morose already (we had a big mess in the kitchen), she wore her rubber gloves (she had allergies and shouldn't get her hands wet) and was about to reach for the dishes. so I told her to leave the dishes 'cause I was gonna do it myself (naks, masipag ako minsan). So she started the oven and I was looking at it and I asked Shin how we'd know that it's already 375degrees. Shin said, "We have to sacrifice one hand!" Bwahahaha.. And it was so funny because his Yays was still wearing her rubber gloves and I was thinking she might wear it when she puts the pie in the oven. I got worried and looked at shin and looked pointedly at his Yayz' rubber gloves. And then all of a sudden he exclaimed, "Oh no, Yayz, wag mo isusuot yang rubber pag nilagay mo ung pie sa oven, b'ka sumabog ka!" Hahaha... It was really funny, even his Yayz had to laugh. He looked worried and he was half laughing at the thought, too.

I also tried making candles before. Shin was still my accomplice. I didn't know candles could really fire up soooooooo huge. And when that happened, Shin was so scared, he shouted, "THE HOUSE IS BURNING!!" Of course my mom got mad at me, and I got mad at Shintaro for screaming and then i stopped trying to make candles.. T_T

And then there was also another time when I was still in high school. My friend Vanekya gave me, hmmm.. How many pieces were those? Hehe.. I think 3 or 4 pieces of those.. Baka ba un o kalabaw... Hmm. Basta balat daw nun, and when you cook them, they'd be chicharon. Ciempre, mangha mode. Huwaw... Pag uwi ko ng bahay, kuha naman akong kaldero. Tos tawag ako kay Maen ba o Vanekya? Basta, nakipagtelebabad ako. Nakalimutan ko may chicharon nga pala akong hinihintay. Naalala ko lang nung may usok na na lumalabas sa pinto ng kusina >.< >.<


Napaka-memorable nga saken ng kusina e. Kase dun din na disfigure and left middle finger ko (not THAT disfigured! haha). Nung bata pa kase ako, may beans sa kusina, ung matamis. E ayoko ipaalam sa mga kapatid ko na may beans kase uubusin nila un, gusto ko akin lang. E nakahalata ata sila na may something sa kusina, nagtakbuhan sila. E ako naman nag panic. Hinila ko ung pinto ng kusina. E sa kasamaang palad, kaliwete ako. E ang nagamit kong pansara ung kanan. E, impulse ata, naki eksena ung kaliwa kong kamay, ayun, e pasara na ung pinto. AWWW... Ansaket.. Lahat ng kapatid ko nag stop (3 pa lang sila nun). Ako naman, ARAYYYYYYYYY... Tos winawagayway (Hehe.. WTH, ano bang term dun, yung kapag masakit tos ginagalaw mo para maalis ung sakit?) ko ung left hand ko kase medio manhid na masakit. Tapos nakita ko may red na sa damit ko. Huwaaaaaaaaaa.. Dun na tumodo ung sakit tos umiyak na ko, sabay, TITA BHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (ung tita bhe namen ung terror namen na kapag tanghali at gabi kelangan matulog ka na pag sinabi nia, tapos pag may kaaway ka tos matatalo ka na, sumigaw ka lang ng TITA BHEEEEEEEEEE para tumigil kaaway mo, hehehe... Siya din nag alaga saken nung mga may sakit mode ako. Kaia kahit may mga hate moments ako sa kania nung bata ako, siya pa rin pinaka love kong tita sa lahat, naks. Sana mahanap na ng tita ko si Mr. Right (Timing, hehe).. :)) Tatlong araw ko ata iniyakan ung daliri ko(pero kaia din ako natutong maging ambidextrous e dahil dun, kase d ako makasulat sa kaliwa, e d kanan, ayos.). Tsk.. Kaia simula nun ayoko na ng beans saka d na rin ako nagdadamot, hehe..

Whatta hard way to learn a lesson, tsk tsk.Kaia ang lesson, try and try. Haha.. Hanlayo.

Pag eto success, gagawa ako ng pili pie sa bertdey ko, haha.. Pagmamalaki ko ang first ever success ko sa kusina ;)

Friday, July 28, 2006

it's neruda's but..

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Tonight I Can Write
Pablo Neruda (translated by W.S. Merwin)

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.


Write, for example, 'The night is shattered
and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'


The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.


Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.


Through the nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.


She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.


Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.


To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.


What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.


This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.


My sight searches for her as though to go to her.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.


The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.


I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.


Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.


I no longer love her, that’s certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.


Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.


Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

solar storm

my 11 yo little brother shin was asking me, "What is a solar storm?" hmmm.. solar storm, where the hell did he hear about that solar thing? haha.. so i told him, "i am not sure but solar pertains to the sun". the next day, he was telling me about this solar storm featured in discovery channel. he told me they said it's gonna happen in 2011. my ever amused little brother asked me how old i'll be then. he said it would take decades for poor countries to restore any destructions from this event, including eletricity restoration. and i said to him, "like us?" and he was sort of shocked and asked back, "we're poor?!" haha.. my little brother didn't know our country is poor! haha.. i told him the country have debts everywhere. oh my poor philippines. sigh. so, some people aren't aware they belong to the third world.. that's minus one cause i already enlightened my little bro about belonging to a third world country. i don't know how to feel about that.. hmm.. but it sort of made me sad, seeing his disappointed face.. i don't know how or where people start being such complicated individuals. i mean, i've been with a lot of children and more than often, i've wondered how these beautiful little individuals would be when they aren't so little anymore. i get disappointed many times when i encounter grown ups who, in my opinion, always end up making issues about so many things. when do they start getting so greedy they forget what happiness really is? it is easier to love children because they also love so easily. i am in a stage right now where i don't really know what i want to do in life or why i should even want to do anything in life. some people they call psychologists call this depression. and from some books that i read, idleness may cause depression. but i am not so sure if i am idle because i am depressed, or if i am depressed because i am idle. should i blame my hormones for my feelings, or my feelings for my hormones? i don't want to overthink anymore. maybe THAT is my problem. i have so much time to think, reality depresses me! why can't i just be like other people who do their routine without complaints. you see, i tried. but it exhausted me and i stopped. i stopped because i don't want to say goodbye to the ME that i am right now. is that immaturity? it amazes me how people figure out how to act their age. hah! who set the standards? maybe i am looking at too many things. maybe i am. or maybe i am not.

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